20260310 THE CONUNDRUM OF NOT BEING ABLE TO FORGIVE
10 March 2026, Tuesday, 3rd Week of Lent
First reading |
Daniel 3:25,34-43 |
Let our sacrifice to you today be a contrite soul and humbled spirit
Azariah stood in the heart of the fire, and he began to pray:
Oh! Do not abandon us for ever,
for the sake of your name;
do not repudiate your covenant,
do not withdraw your favour from us,
for the sake of Abraham, your friend,
of Isaac your servant,
and of Israel your holy one,
to whom you promised descendants as countless as the stars of heaven
and as the grains of sand on the seashore.
Lord, now we are the least of all the nations,
now we are despised throughout the world, today, because of our sins.
We have at this time no leader, no prophet, no prince,
no holocaust, no sacrifice, no oblation, no incense,
no place where we can offer you the first-fruits
and win your favour.
But may the contrite soul, the humbled spirit be as acceptable to you
as holocausts of rams and bullocks,
as thousands of fattened lambs:
such let our sacrifice be to you today,
and may it be your will that we follow you wholeheartedly,
since those who put their trust in you will not be disappointed.
And now we put our whole heart into following you,
into fearing you and seeking your face once more.
Do not disappoint us;
treat us gently, as you yourself are gentle
and very merciful.
Grant us deliverance worthy of your wonderful deeds,
let your name win glory, Lord.
Responsorial Psalm |
Psalm 24(25):4-6,7a-9 |
Remember your mercy, Lord.
Lord, make me know your ways.
Lord, teach me your paths.
Make me walk in your truth, and teach me:
for you are God my saviour.
Remember your mercy, Lord.
Remember your mercy, Lord,
and the love you have shown from of old.
Do not remember the sins of my youth.
In your love remember me.
Remember your mercy, Lord.
The Lord is good and upright.
He shows the path to those who stray,
He guides the humble in the right path,
He teaches his way to the poor.
Remember your mercy, Lord.
Gospel Acclamation | cf.Lk8:15 |
Glory and praise to you, O Christ!
Blessed are those who,
with a noble and generous heart,
take the word of God to themselves
and yield a harvest through their perseverance.
Glory and praise to you, O Christ!
Or: | Joel2:12-13 |
Glory and praise to you, O Christ!
Now, now – it is the Lord who speaks –
come back to me with all your heart,
for I am all tenderness and compassion.
Glory and praise to you, O Christ!
Gospel |
Matthew 18:21-35 |
To be forgiven, you must forgive
Peter went up to Jesus and said, ‘Lord, how often must I forgive my brother if he wrongs me? As often as seven times?’ Jesus answered, ‘Not seven, I tell you, but seventy-seven times.
‘And so the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who decided to settle his accounts with his servants. When the reckoning began, they brought him a man who owed ten thousand talents; but he had no means of paying, so his master gave orders that he should be sold, together with his wife and children and all his possessions, to meet the debt. At this, the servant threw himself down at his master’s feet. “Give me time” he said “and I will pay the whole sum.” And the servant’s master felt so sorry for him that he let him go and cancelled the debt. Now as this servant went out, he happened to meet a fellow servant who owed him one hundred denarii; and he seized him by the throat and began to throttle him. “Pay what you owe me” he said. His fellow servant fell at his feet and implored him, saying, “Give me time and I will pay you.” But the other would not agree; on the contrary, he had him thrown into prison till he should pay the debt. His fellow servants were deeply distressed when they saw what had happened, and they went to their master and reported the whole affair to him. Then the master sent for him. “You wicked servant,” he said “I cancelled all that debt of yours when you appealed to me. Were you not bound, then, to have pity on your fellow servant just as I had pity on you?” And in his anger the master handed him over to the torturers till he should pay all his debt. And that is how my heavenly Father will deal with you unless you each forgive your brother from your heart.’
THE CONUNDRUM OF NOT BEING ABLE TO FORGIVE
SCRIPTURE READINGS: [DN 3:35-43; PS 25:4-9; MT 18:21-35]
All religions teach about love and charity. In fact, if a religion does not teach its followers to love their fellow men, it can hardly be from God. True religion promotes peace, love and harmony. Christianity also teaches us about the love of God. But what is unique and central to Christianity is the emphasis on God’s forgiveness and, in imitation of Him, forgiving our brothers and sisters. “Peter went up to Jesus and said, ‘Lord, how often must I forgive my brother if he wrongs me? As often as seven times?’ Jesus answered, ‘Not seven, I tell you, but seventy-seven times.'”
Christianity not only asks us not only to forgive those who have wronged or sinned against us, but even to forgive our enemies. Throughout the ministry of Jesus, His constant message was that God forgives us, we must also forgive one another – including our enemies. In the Sermon on the Mount, He taught: “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbour and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, ‘Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be children of your Father in heaven.'” (Mt 5:43-45)
In the Lord’s Prayer, which is the model of all prayers for the coming of God’s Kingdom, one of the petitions is, “And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.” (Mt 6:12) St Peter wrote, “Do not repay evil for evil or abuse for abuse; but, on the contrary, repay with a blessing. It is for this that you were called–that you might inherit a blessing.” (1 Pt 3:9) St Paul says, “Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, ‘Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.’ No, if your enemies are hungry, feed them; if they are thirsty, give them something to drink; for by doing this you will heap burning coals on their heads.” (Rom 12:19f)
Jesus does not ask us to forgive without first experiencing God’s forgiveness. This is why many people cannot forgive, because they try to forgive from their own strength and will. Yet it is extremely difficult to forgive those who have hurt us deeply, not only by taking away our property, but also by wounding our pride and even harming our loved ones. Without having the prior experience of God’s liberating grace, we cannot truly forgive. So if we cannot forgive, it is understandable, since “to err is human and to forgive is divine.” This is why, in today’s First Reading from the Book of Daniel, the prayer of Azariah reflects the experience of their helplessness as individuals and as a nation of sinners. They mourned the loss of their leaders and of the Temple sacrifices. They experienced abandonment by God while living in exile in a foreign land.
Thus, this is a prayer for God’s mercy, because the Israelites had no merits to claim before God. “Lord, now we are the least of all the nations, now we are despised throughout the world, today, because of our sins. We have at this time no leader, no prophet, no prince, no holocaust, no sacrifice, no oblation, no incense, no place where we can offer you the first-fruits and win your favour.” With a contrite heart, they asked for mercy: “But may the contrite soul, the humbled spirit be as acceptable to you as holocausts of rams and bullocks, as thousands of fattened lambs: such let our sacrifice be to you today, and may it be your will that we follow you wholeheartedly, since those who put their trust in you will not be disappointed.” Indeed, they could only rely on God’s mercy and compassion: “Do not disappoint us; treat us gently, as you yourself are gentle and very merciful.”
But this principle seems to contradict the parable of the Unforgiving Servant. In his case, he had experienced unconditional and abundant forgiveness of his debt from the master. He owed the master an incalculable amount, a debt impossible for anyone to repay, since the sum owed was equivalent to the annual tax revenue of an entire Roman province. No single individual could ever pay such a debt.
The conundrum of the parable is that although he was forgiven such a huge debt, upon being released by his master, he could not forgive his fellow servant who owed him just about three months’ wages of a common labourer. “He seized him by the throat and began to throttle him. ‘Pay what you owe me’ he said.” Repeating almost the same words he himself had said to his master, “his fellow servant fell at his feet and implored him, saying, ‘Give me time and I will pay you’. But the other would not agree; on the contrary, he had him thrown into prison till he should pay the debt.” How could this be? Why had he no compassion for someone who owed him a paltry sum compared to what he himself owed the master? How could his heart be so hardened? Yet, isn’t this the case with many of us as well?
Why? We lack self-awareness. We have committed many sins and made numerous mistakes in our lives, and yet those in authority over us have forgiven us, especially God, who always forgives us whenever we turn to Him for mercy. Yet we still bear grudges against those who fail us. Many of us cannot forgive and continue to hate our enemies. We hold on to our pain and our anger, refusing to let go.
The irony of life is that when we sin, we tend to make excuses for ourselves; but when others sin, there is no excuse whatsoever. When we sin, we expect people – and God – to forgive us. But when others sin, we refuse to forgive. How, then, can we have the audacity to ask God for forgiveness when we cannot forgive those who have hurt us? Compared to the severity of our offence against God, what others do to us is often insignificant.
As a consequence, the Lord reprimanded the unforgiving servant: “You wicked servant,” he said “I cancelled all that debt of yours when you appealed to me. Were you not bound, then, to have pity on your fellow servant just as I had pity on you?”
Why can’t we forgive those who have hurt us when we ourselves have received forgiveness? When we refuse to forgive others, it shows that we have not received God’s forgiveness in our hearts. This is the real problem of those who cannot forgive. We go through life always thinking about ourselves, our pains and our hurts. It is selfishness that prevents us from feeling with others. We are always thinking about ourselves and our own sufferings. We fail to examine our conscience to see whether our thoughts, words, and actions have hurt people each day. We lack sensitivity to the feelings of others and are concerned only about our own. When we hurt others, we do not feel their pain and shame. But when others hurt us, we feel deeply. By lacking empathy, we fail to understand that others, like us, are sinners. We are weak, wounded and broken. We tend to be selfish and self-defensive. Looking beyond ourselves to others requires a generous and humble heart. How, then, can we heal ourselves and learn to let go?
Secondly, we lack awareness of others’ pain. The way to learn to forgive others is to listen to the stories of those who suffer and those who are hurting. Befriending ex-offenders, drug addicts, those who have been sexually abused and even their oppressors, those going through difficult marriages and relationships, those facing discrimination in workplace or at home, those brought up in very dysfunctional families will help us to realise that life is very complex. St Paul shares his own inner conflict in doing God’s will. He said, “I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate.” (Rom 7:15) “I delight in the law of God in my inmost self, but I see in my members another law at war with the law of my mind, making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members.” (Rom 7:22f) In other words, the deep wounds in our hearts have not been healed.
Finally, to heal our hearts, we need to turn to God and contemplate His suffering, death, and passion. Contemplating the crucified Christ and becoming conscious of our sins will help us to realise how much God loves us and how much He has paid for our sins. When we realise the immensity of God’s love and the gravity of our sins, like Azariah in today’s First Reading, we will stop bearing grudges against others, knowing that we are no better than them. With the freedom of forgiveness that we receive from God, and healed by Him, we too can extend that joy to others by forgiving them, so that they too may be healed from the heart. Failing to do so would only bring misery, for the Lord warns us: “in his anger the master handed him over to the torturers till he should pay all his debt. And that is how my heavenly Father will deal with you unless you each forgive your brother from your heart.”
Best Practices for Using the Daily Scripture Reflections
- Encounter God through the spirit of prayer and the scripture by reflecting and praying the Word of God daily. The purpose is to bring you to prayer and to a deeper union with the Lord on the level of the heart.
- Daily reflections when archived will lead many to accumulate all the reflections of the week and pray in one sitting. This will compromise your capacity to enter deeply into the Word of God, as the tendency is to read for knowledge rather than a prayerful reading of the Word for the purpose of developing a personal and affective relationship with the Lord.
- It is more important to pray deeply, not read widely. The current reflections of the day would be more than sufficient for anyone who wants to pray deeply and be led into an intimacy with the Lord.
Note: You may share this reflection with someone. However, please note that reflections are not archived online nor will they be available via email request.
Written by His Eminence, Cardinal William SC Goh, Roman Catholic Archbishop of Singapore © All Rights Reserved.
