20250228 KEEPING OUR FRIENDSHIPS TRUE BY BEING HOLY
28 February 2025, Friday, 7th Week in Ordinary Time
First reading |
Ecclesiasticus 6:5-17 |
A faithful friend is a sure shelter
A kindly turn of speech multiplies a man’s friends,
and a courteous way of speaking invites many a friendly reply.
Let your acquaintances be many,
but your advisers one in a thousand.
If you want to make a friend, take him on trial,
and be in no hurry to trust him;
for one kind of friend is only so when it suits him
but will not stand by you in your day of trouble.
Another kind of friend will fall out with you
and to your dismay make the quarrel public,
and a third kind of friend will share your table,
but not stand by you in your day of trouble:
when you are doing well he will be your second self,
ordering your servants about;
but if ever you are brought low he will turn against you
and will hide himself from you.
Keep well clear of your enemies,
and be wary of your friends.
A faithful friend is a sure shelter,
whoever finds one has found a rare treasure.
A faithful friend is something beyond price,
there is no measuring his worth.
A faithful friend is the elixir of life,
and those who fear the Lord will find one.
Whoever fears the Lord makes true friends,
for as a man is, so is his friend.
Responsorial Psalm |
Psalm 118(119):12,16,18,27,34-35 |
Guide me, Lord, in the path of your commands.
Blessed are you, O Lord;
teach me your statutes.
I take delight in your statutes;
I will not forget your word.
Guide me, Lord, in the path of your commands.
Open my eyes that I may see
the wonders of your law.
Make me grasp the way of your precepts
and I will muse on your wonders.
Guide me, Lord, in the path of your commands.
Train me to observe your law,
to keep it with my heart.
Guide me in the path of your commands;
for there is my delight.
Guide me, Lord, in the path of your commands.
Gospel Acclamation | Ps110:7,8 |
Alleluia, alleluia!
Your precepts, O Lord, are all of them sure;
they stand firm for ever and ever.
Alleluia!
Or: | Jn17:17 |
Alleluia, alleluia!
Your word is truth, O Lord:
consecrate us in the truth.
Alleluia!
Gospel | Mark 10:1-12 |
What God has united, man must not divide
Jesus came to the district of Judaea and the far side of the Jordan. And again crowds gathered round him, and again he taught them, as his custom was. Some Pharisees approached him and asked, ‘Is it against the law for a man to divorce his wife?’ They were testing him. He answered them, ‘What did Moses command you?’ ‘Moses allowed us’ they said ‘to draw up a writ of dismissal and so to divorce.’ Then Jesus said to them, ‘It was because you were so unteachable that he wrote this commandment for you. But from the beginning of creation God made them male and female. This is why a man must leave father and mother, and the two become one body. They are no longer two, therefore, but one body. So then, what God has united, man must not divide.’ Back in the house the disciples questioned him again about this, and he said to them, ‘The man who divorces his wife and marries another is guilty of adultery against her. And if a woman divorces her husband and marries another she is guilty of adultery too.’
KEEPING OUR FRIENDSHIPS TRUE BY BEING HOLY
SCRIPTURE READINGS: [Ecclesiasticus 6:5-17; Ps 119:12,16,18,27,34-35; Mk 10:1-12]
We all need friends in life. No one is an island. Those who are sociable tend to have many friends. They seek friendships and find security and joy in being with others. Some are even afraid of being alone. Even those who are introverted and enjoy being alone also need friends. The difference between extroverts and introverts is that the former have many acquaintances but few real friends. The introverts tend to be selective and have few friends but they are mostly faithful and true friends.
Sirach gives us advice on choosing our friends. Firstly, we need time to grow the friendship. We need to journey with each other, get to know each other’s values, likes and dislikes, and temperament. Otherwise, as Sirach says, “one kind of friend will fall out with you and to your dismay make your quarrel public.” There are different kinds of friends. Some friends make good company for holidays, others for meals and pleasure. But Sirach warns that this “kind of friend will share your table, but not stand by you in your day of trouble: when you are doing well he will be your second self, ordering your servants about; but if ever you are brought low he will turn against you and will hide himself from you.” Or course this is not always the case, but it is difficult to tell whether they are fair-weather friends or true friends.
The best kind of friends are those whom we can share our thoughts and our deepest feelings, fears, anxieties and aspirations. Sirach says, “A faithful friend is a sure shelter, whoever finds one has found a rare treasure. A faithful friend is something beyond price, there is no measuring his worth. A faithful friend is the elixir of life.” Indeed, finding a faithful and loyal friend is rare. There is no greater gift in life than to find a confidante and a good friend to share your life with. To have someone who understands and supports us, will give us the courage and strength to go through life without feeling that we are alone. Such friends need to be tested over time. This is why it is difficult to find such a friend who is reliable, who keeps your secrets, who is with you in good and bad times.
Such a friend could be someone of the same or even opposite sex. Indeed, for those who are single, it is important that they find good friends to be their companions in life. The only danger is that with the current promiscuous climate, the possibility of falling into a physical relationship, especially with the opposite sex, is greater. This is because love wants to express itself physically. When that happens, it does complicate the intended platonic relationship. As a consequence, the relationship becomes complex and confusing. Hence, we need to be clear in how we want the friendship to be. Unless the relationship is pure and holy, it will become complicated.
Single and Celibate friendships can be very fulfilling too. Priests and religious are called to cultivate true friendships. The only difference is that for priests and religious, their friendship is inclusive and not exclusive. Even then, like Jesus, they will have a few close friends among themselves that they could share their life and ministry with. Jesus never asked His disciples to work alone in the ministry. He sent them out in pairs. In this way, they will never feel alone in life or in ministry. A celibate is not one who simply does not have a physical sexual relationship with his friend, but he is loving and capable of giving himself to all. His love and friendship are given to all. He is a friend to all even if he has a few close friends.
Greater still, if that friend is also your spouse. This is why marriage is the highest level of friendship. Husbands and wives are called to be true and loving friends to each other. When we choose someone to be our spouse, it is not for pragmatic reasons, that is, for security, so that we will not be alone, or to have children so that we can be taken care of when we are old. Rather, marriage is to find someone who is like us but yet different from us. God instituted marriage between a man and a woman so that they can complete each other. Marriage, then, is the ideal friendship that God intended for man and woman. So intense is the love between husband and wife that they share everything together. The sexual relationship between the man and the woman signifies that they hold nothing back and they are not just comfortable to be naked before each other, but also in their feelings, their joys and sorrows. They are able to share with each other. Their relationship is therefore not only faithful but also fruitful. The child is that expression of their love for each other and the fruit of their love. Together, not one or the other, but always together, they share their love and friendship with the child so that he or she would also learn how to love faithfully and joyfully.
But very often, the friendship breaks after sometime. Some of these factors are due to prolonged physical distancing because of migration, work and studies. This is true of platonic friendships, but also in marriage. It begins with each one taking the other person for granted. There is a lack of communication and sharing of joys and sorrows over time. Physical distancing also leads to emotional distancing. Eventually, they become distant, not just physically but emotionally and affectively as well. They become estranged. The marriage becomes reduced to a common obligation to look after the children and their parents and to support the family. Then there will be disagreements on how to raise the children, finance, taking care of the elderly, etc. When love becomes a duty, it leads to miscommunication, misunderstanding, suspicion, lack of trust and eventually love dies. But as the gospel tells us, God never intended us to betray each other in relationships, especially in marriage. At the same time, He recognized the weaknesses of human beings. We are weak and we are easily distracted and tempted.
So how can we prevent such relationships from breaking down? Marriage is often called a Covenantal love. It is analogous to the way God loves us. His love for us is unconditional, faithful, fruitful, true and loving. God does not stop loving us even when we are unfaithful to Him. Rather, He will continue to reach out to us. His love is manifested especially in His death on the cross. He loves us to the extent of sacrificing His own life for our salvation. So, whilst our friends will fail us, God does not fail us. All marriages and friendships therefore must be modelled after that of Christ as well. True friends too must learn to accept each other, both weaknesses and strengths. True friends forgive and never give up on each other. Ironically, the marriage, which is supposed to be the deepest form of friendship, is broken if one party is unfaithful or later realized to be incompatible. Today, love is no longer unconditional.
Consequently, to cultivate and sustain true friendships, the relationship must be holy as well. In a holy friendship, our model is that of Christ, loving each other the way Christ loves us. We are called to be sacrament, the sign of Christ’s love for us. This is true regardless whether it is marriage or just a relationship between two persons. True friends will treat each other the way Christ regards us. This reciprocity of love is free and patient. No one can force another person to love him or her. This is why, if we want to be true friends, we must first be friends with Jesus. He will teach us how to love selflessly and inclusively, faithfully and lovingly. The reason why marriages break down and friendships fail is because most of us love with the strength of our human love. Human love is weak and fragile. Human love tends to be selfish, inward-looking, protective of one’s interests and security before the other person.
Hence, it is important that we relive the love that Jesus has given us. For married people, we must make use of the graces given to us in the Sacrament of Marriage. Christ promises to be the centre of our marriage life and seal us together in love. So, too, in other relationships. The way to strengthen that relationship is through our common love for the Lord. Couples who found their relationships in the Lord will be grateful and humble with each other, learn and be purified in love in spite of difficulties. Praying together and reading the Word of God together will strengthen their bonds because both seek to put the Word of God into practice. Truly, good friends do not lead each other into sin but lead each other into the presence of God so that they can be holy.
Written by His Eminence, Cardinal William SC Goh, Roman Catholic Archbishop of Singapore © All Rights Reserved.