20191219
TRAGIC SEPARATION BETWEEN COMPANIONSHIP AND PROCREATION IN MARRIAGE
Readings at Mass
Liturgical
Colour: Violet.
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First reading
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Judges
13:2-7,24-25 ©
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'You will conceive and bear
a son'
There was a man of Zorah of
the tribe of Dan, called Manoah. His wife was barren, she had borne no
children. The angel of the Lord appeared to this woman and said to her, ‘You
are barren and have had no child. But from now on take great care. Take no wine
or strong drink, and eat nothing unclean. For you will conceive and bear a son.
No razor is to touch his head, for the boy shall be God’s nazirite from his
mother’s womb. It is he who will begin to rescue Israel from the power of the
Philistines.’ Then the woman went and told her husband, ‘A man of God has just
come to me; his presence was like the presence of the angel of God, he was so
majestic. I did not ask him where he came from, and he did not reveal his name
to me. But he said to me, “You will conceive and bear a son. From now on, take
no wine or strong drink, and eat nothing unclean. For the boy shall be God’s
nazirite from his mother’s womb to his dying day.”’
The
woman gave birth to a son and called him Samson. The child grew, and the Lord
blessed him; and the spirit of the Lord began to move him.
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Responsorial Psalm
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Psalm
70(71):3-6,16-17 ©
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My lips are
filled with your praise, with your glory all the day long.
Be a rock where
I can take refuge,
a
mighty stronghold to save me;
for
you are my rock, my stronghold.
Free me from the
hand of the wicked.
My lips are
filled with your praise, with your glory all the day long.
It is you, O
Lord, who are my hope,
my
trust, O Lord, since my youth.
On you I have
leaned from my birth,
from
my mother’s womb you have been my help.
My lips are
filled with your praise, with your glory all the day long.
I will declare
the Lord’s mighty deeds
proclaiming
your justice, yours alone.
O God, you have
taught me from my youth
and
I proclaim your wonders still.
My lips are
filled with your praise, with your glory all the day long.
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Gospel Acclamation
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Alleluia,
alleluia!
Root of Jesse,
set up as a sign to the peoples,
come to save us,
and delay no
more.
Alleluia!
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Gospel
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Luke
1:5-25 ©
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'Your wife Elizabeth will
bear a son'
In the days of King Herod of
Judaea there lived a priest called Zechariah who belonged to the Abijah section
of the priesthood, and he had a wife, Elizabeth by name, who was a descendant
of Aaron. Both were worthy in the sight of God, and scrupulously observed all
the commandments and observances of the Lord. But they were childless:
Elizabeth was barren and they were both getting on in years.
Now
it was the turn of Zechariah’s section to serve, and he was exercising his
priestly office before God when it fell to him by lot, as the ritual custom
was, to enter the Lord’s sanctuary and burn incense there. And at the hour of
incense the whole congregation was outside, praying.
Then
there appeared to him the angel of the Lord, standing on the right of the altar
of incense. The sight disturbed Zechariah and he was overcome with fear. But
the angel said to him, ‘Zechariah, do not be afraid, your prayer has been
heard. Your wife Elizabeth is to bear you a son and you must name him John. He
will be your joy and delight and many will rejoice at his birth, for he will be
great in the sight of the Lord; he must drink no wine, no strong drink. Even
from his mother’s womb he will be filled with the Holy Spirit, and he will
bring back many of the sons of Israel to the Lord their God. With the spirit
and power of Elijah, he will go before him to turn the hearts of fathers
towards their children and the disobedient back to the wisdom that the virtuous
have, preparing for the Lord a people fit for him.’
Zechariah
said to the angel, ‘How can I be sure of this? I am an old man and my wife is
getting on in years.’ The angel replied, ‘I am Gabriel who stand in God’s
presence, and I have been sent to speak to you and bring you this good news.
Listen! Since you have not believed my words, which will come true at their
appointed time, you will be silenced and have no power of speech until this has
happened.’ Meanwhile the people were waiting for Zechariah and were surprised
that he stayed in the sanctuary so long. When he came out he could not speak to
them, and they realised that he had received a vision in the sanctuary. But he
could only make signs to them, and remained dumb.
When
his time of service came to an end he returned home. Some time later his wife
Elizabeth conceived, and for five months she kept to herself. ‘The Lord has
done this for me’ she said ‘now that it has pleased him to take away the
humiliation I suffered among men.’
19 December, 2019, Thursday, 3rd Week of Advent
TRAGIC
SEPARATION BETWEEN COMPANIONSHIP AND PROCREATION IN MARRIAGE
SCRIPTURE READINGS: [JUDGES 13:2-7, 24-25; LUKE 1:5-25 ]
Today’s
scripture readings speak of the barrenness of two married women. In the book of Judges, we
have the story of Manoah’s wife who was barren. In the gospel,
Zechariah’s wife was also barren. When they were informed by the angel
that they would conceive a child, they were overjoyed. Elizabeth
exclaimed, “The Lord has done this for me now that it has pleased him to take
away the humiliation I suffered among men.” Both scriptures gave me
thought as to why women and couples desire to have children in marriage.
Why was it a shame for women not to be able to conceive a child in those days?
In the olden
days, it is understandable why couples desired to have children. It was a
form of security and continuation of the family line. The old needed the
young to look after them and provide for them. So it was a cycle where
the parents looked after the young and when the young grew up, they in turn
would look after them. So it was a kind of social security. This
explains why in those days, a widow, especially if she was childless, was left
without any material and social support whatsoever. At the same time, it
was a continuation of the family tree and the way to expand their network by
increasing the numbers in their clan.
But today,
children are a liability for life. Many of our young people no longer
look after their parents, at least financially. This is because many
of our parents are more than adequately provided for with their own
savings. In fact, it is not uncommon for parents to continue to finance
their children even when they have graduated and started working. Many
parents still pay for their children’s post-graduate studies. Many
parents pay for their cars, petrol, food and accommodation, utilities, and even
for their house and marriage and for the grandchildren’s expenses.
If the children are grateful, it is still tolerable, but if they are demanding
and ungrateful, the parents’ hearts are often broken.
This explains
why we have the other set of women who do not desire to have children at all,
even when they are married. They see children as a liability, restricting their freedom
and their movements. They do not want to be responsible for their
children for the rest of their lives. So they choose not to have children
so that they can do whatever they want. Sometimes, couples do not want to
have children because they just want keep their love exclusive between
them. In other words, they reduce marriage merely to companionship.
This is
precisely the crux of today’s social problems, the separation between
procreation and companionship in marriage. The Church’s constant teaching is that
every act of sexual intercourse must be open to procreation. This is why
the Church does not allow contraception or in-vitro fertilization (IVF).
With this separation between the two mutual properties of marriage, the
implications are wide-ranging. Since marriage is defined as companionship
then it is no longer confined to a relationship between a man and a
woman. In other words, same-sex union is acceptable and should also be
considered a marriage. In some ludicrous situations, marrying one’s pet
is permissible, since it is about companionship! And since procreation is
separated from companionship, it becomes possible not just to permit same-sex
marriage but also adoption of babies as well by same-sex couple. In the same
vein, the promotion of IVF and surrogate motherhood are acceptable, since
procreation and companionship are distinct. A child no longer needs to be
born from the love of the parents but they become a thing, a property which we
buy or rent or produce in a laboratory. Such are the consequences of
separating the two properties of marriage.
Indeed, the
separation between procreation and companionship has caused the world much
confusion in the understanding of marriage and parenthood. On one hand, there are those
who are so desperate to have children and would go through any possible means,
even artificially, to have babies. On the other hand, there are those who
could have babies but are not keen. They use contraceptives and if they
conceive accidentally, they have them aborted. Babies and human life
today have become just another commodity where we buy or sell, make and discard
if we do not like them, just like the way we make pottery. They become
toys to fill the vacuum in our lives, our loneliness and to play with.
The irony of
those with same-sex agenda is that whilst they champion same-sex union as a
right, and claim that it is part of nature and therefore not unnatural, yet
they want to have babies. Where do babies come from if not from the union between a
man and a woman? There is an inherent contradiction for same-sex couples
in demanding for the rights to adopt babies. Whilst they themselves do
not want to produce babies, they insist on the right to adopt them. If it
is part of nature to have same-sex union, there will be no reproduction of the
human race. It will just end with their relationship. Another
illogical argument is for the legalization of same-sex union. If marriage
is legalized by the state, it is because the relationship will result in
bringing children into society. Does the state have to legalize a
platonic relationship as well? This is precisely the same as those who do
not want to have children in their marriage when they could.
But our
hearts are made for love and this love must grow and grow to become more and
more the heart of God. In truth, when we examine ourselves deeply, there is this deep
desire in us to be fruitful in love. When a love stays only between two
persons, that love will eventually die. It becomes a mutual
narcissism. It is a natural thing for men, and particularly women, to
desire children because they want to love and care. Grandparents like to
dote on their grandchildren because it is our human instinct to love and to
nurture. If we do not have children, then that love is transferred to
some pets we keep. Why do we keep pets, as if we have nothing better to
do? For the same reason, pets keep us humane, loving and bring out the
love in us. So when there is true love between the man and the woman, they
want their love to be fruitful. The child is the fruit of that love
between the man and the woman. It does not come from a laboratory.
It cannot be nurtured by couples of the same sex. As it is, children
given up for adoption in a childless man-woman marriage commonly face some
identity crisis because of the emotional rejection by their biological
parents. More so, if a child is raised by a same-sex couple since he or
she is deprived of a holistic upbringing.
So the shame
of a barren couple is not simply because they cannot have children. It is the
shame of emptiness and meaninglessness because we are not able to enjoy the joy
of giving, loving, caring and nurturing. Regardless of who we are,
there is this DNA in us to love since we are created in the image and likeness
of God. So when we are barren not because we cannot conceive a child but
barren in love because our love does not reach out beyond ourselves to others
and to a larger group of people, we will not experience the fullness of life
and love. So whether we are childless because we cannot conceive, or
single, we need not have to live a barren life. We must continue to be
fruitful in love by reaching out to people in service. Those who are
without children of their own, like us who are priests, can see other children
as our own. It is a call to love them as well.
Finally,
those who have children must not keep them to themselves. If we want our children to
find joy and meaning in life, they, too, must be fruitful in love. Like
Samson who was chosen to deliver his people from the Philistines; and John the
Baptist who will “turn the hearts of fathers towards their children and the
disobedient back to the wisdom that the virtuous have, preparing for the Lord a
people fit for him”; we must help them to be fruitful in love by living a
vocation of love and service.
Written by The Most Rev William Goh, Roman Catholic Archbishop of
Singapore © All Rights Reserved
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