20201027 PUTTING CHRIST AT THE CENTER OF MARRIAGES
27 October, 2020, Tuesday, 30th Week, Ordinary Time
Readings at Mass
Liturgical Colour: Green.
First reading |
Ephesians 5:21-33 © |
Give way to one another in obedience to Christ
Give way to one another in obedience to Christ. Wives should regard their husbands as they regard the Lord, since as Christ is head of the Church and saves the whole body, so is a husband the head of his wife; and as the Church submits to Christ, so should wives to their husbands, in everything. Husbands should love their wives just as Christ loved the Church and sacrificed himself for her to make her holy. He made her clean by washing her in water with a form of words, so that when he took her to himself she would be glorious, with no speck or wrinkle or anything like that, but holy and faultless. In the same way, husbands must love their wives as they love their own bodies; for a man to love his wife is for him to love himself. A man never hates his own body, but he feeds it and looks after it; and that is the way Christ treats the Church, because it is his body – and we are its living parts. For this reason, a man must leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will become one body. This mystery has many implications; but I am saying it applies to Christ and the Church. To sum up; you too, each one of you, must love his wife as he loves himself; and let every wife respect her husband.
Responsorial Psalm |
Psalm 127(128):1-5 © |
O blessed are those who fear the Lord.
O blessed are those who fear the Lord
and walk in his ways!
By the labour of your hands you shall eat.
You will be happy and prosper.
O blessed are those who fear the Lord.
Your wife will be like a fruitful vine
in the heart of your house;
your children like shoots of the olive,
around your table.
O blessed are those who fear the Lord.
Indeed thus shall be blessed
the man who fears the Lord.
May the Lord bless you from Zion
all the days of your life!
O blessed are those who fear the Lord.
Gospel Acclamation | Jn15:15 |
Alleluia, alleluia!
I call you friends, says the Lord,
because I have made known to you
everything I have learnt from my Father.
Alleluia!
Or: | Mt11:25 |
Alleluia, alleluia!
Blessed are you, Father,
Lord of heaven and earth,
for revealing the mysteries of the kingdom
to mere children.
Alleluia!
Gospel | Luke 13:18-21 © |
The kingdom of God is like the yeast that leavened three measures of flour
Jesus said, ‘What is the kingdom of God like? What shall I compare it with? It is like a mustard seed which a man took and threw into his garden: it grew and became a tree, and the birds of the air sheltered in its branches.’
Another thing he said, ‘What shall I compare the kingdom of God with? It is like the yeast a woman took and mixed in with three measures of flour till it was leavened all through.’
PUTTING CHRIST AT THE CENTER OF MARRIAGES
SCRIPTURE READINGS: [Ephesians 5:21 – 33; Ps 128:1-5; Luke 13:18 – 21 ]
To appreciate the context of St Paul’s teaching on Christian marriage, we must situate ourselves in the culture of the Jews, the Greeks and the Romans. In ancient days, and even in some societies today, women were degraded and considered insignificant. In the mind of the Jews, women were not persons but things. They had no legal rights. They were considered the property of the husband for him to dispose of if he were not happy. They were ranked among the Gentiles and slaves. According to Moses, a man can divorce his wife if she did not find favour with him. “Suppose a man enters into marriage with a woman, but she does not please him because he finds something objectionable about her, and so he writes her a certificate of divorce, puts it in her hand, and sends her out of his house.” (Dt 24:1) The Greeks were worse because sexual immorality and promiscuity were acceptable norms of life. Women were used for sex and pleasure. Prostitution was a thriving trade in those days. It was not just tolerated but it was a way of life. A man sought a courtesan for pleasure, kept a concubine for love and a wife to bear children.
It is within this context that St Paul’s vision of a Christian marriage was a great revolutionary outlook far surpassing not just the Greek or Roman understanding of marriage but even the Old Testament as well. The ideals of a Christian marriage are very high simply because it models itself after Christ’s love for His Church. This is why a Christian marriage is called a sacrament, a sign and image of Christ’s love for His spouse, the Church. A true Christian marriage must take after Christ in the way He united Himself with the Church and the Church unites herself with the Lord. For this reason, Christ must be the center of every Christian marriage.
In the first instance, Christ had elevated and confirmed the place of women as equal partners of men, since God created man and woman in His image. (Gn 1:27) She is the helpmate of the man since she is one with the man, the bone of his bones, the flesh of his flesh. (Gn 2:23) “Therefore a man leaves his father and his mother and clings to his wife, and they become one flesh.” (Gn 2:24) Christ added, “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” (Mt 19:6) Women are not second-class citizens. Indeed, in Christ all of us are equal in dignity and grace. “There is no longer Jew or Greek, there is no longer slave or free, there is no longer male and female; for all of you are one in Christ Jesus.” (Gal 3:28)
Consequently, when St Paul spoke of the submission of wives to their husbands, it is not one-way but a mutual submission in different ways. The submission of wives to their husbands is voluntary and free. It is not a coercive, servile and degrading submission out of fear or without a sense of dignity. On the contrary, if the wife submits to her husband, it presupposes that the husband loves the wife more than he loves himself. “Husbands should love their wives just as Christ loved the Church and sacrificed himself for her.” If the husband puts the interests and well-being of his wife before his own, any submission would be easy since she has no issue in entrusting her life to her husband. If we know that a person is giving up his life for us, in all that he does, surely, we will only be too happy to cooperate with him. Accordingly, if the husband is self-serving, asking the wife to do things against the gospel and love, she does not have to obey him. The husband would have lost his right over the wife because there is no mutual submission. A husband cannot command the wife to submit and obey when he works against the interests of his wife and cares more for himself, his pleasure and his freedom. No husband should behave like a tyrant over his wife.
Indeed, because Christ first loved us, we can respond to that love in obedience. “In this is love, not that we loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the atoning sacrifice for our sins. Beloved, since God loved us so much, we also ought to love one another.” (1 Jn 4:10) This is a very important principle with regard to obedience. We cannot exact or command obedience and cooperation from others unless they are convinced we love them as much, or more than we love ourselves. Jesus could render total obedience to His Father because He knew His Father’s unconditional love. A wife can surrender her life entirely to her husband provided the husband puts his “better half” before himself. Unfortunately, the reality is that most men put themselves before their wives; and thus cannot elicit the complete trust of their wives.
Christian marriage models itself after the sacrificial love after our Lord for His Church. “In the same way, husbands must love their wives as they love their own bodies; for a man to love his wife is for him to love himself. A man never hates his own body, but he feeds it and looks after it; and that is the way Christ treats the Church, because it is his body – and we are its living parts.” Love is not just a nice emotion or sentiment. Love means to die for the other person, to put the person always before ourselves, just as our Lord loved His Church to the extent of dying for her to purify her in holiness. When we love, we devote all our time, our energy and all our resources for the good of our loved ones. We want them to be happy and grow to become holy, sharing in the life and love of God. This is how Christ feeds His Church, with His own body and blood in the Eucharist and by His death on the cross.
Christian marriage is to help each other to be purified in holiness. This is what St Paul said, “He made her clean by washing her in water with a form of words, so that when he took her to himself she would be glorious, with no speck or wrinkle or anything like that, but holy and faultless.” This text is in reference to the Sacrament of Baptism when the accompanying Word with the water cleanse us of our sins and makes us spotless. Just like the brides in Jewish and Roman customs, where they had to take a bath before being presented to the bridegrooms, husbands are called to purify themselves with their wives so that they could be presented to the Lord. This purification of course is more than the sacrament of baptism. It means constant dying to self so that we can truly love our spouse more than ourselves. Through frictions and misunderstandings, husbands and wives purify each other in love and self-awareness. Through mutual encouragement and forgiveness, they heal and strengthen each other.
Finally, Christian marriage is a permanent commitment to love each other unto death. “A man must leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will become one body. This mystery has many implications; but I am saying it applies to Christ and the Church.” Because husband and wife become one flesh, united to each other, marriage is indissoluble. Unless we can feel accepted for who we are, our strengths and weaknesses, we will never feel secure in love. To be loved is not simply to be loved when we are good but even when we are weak. Only an unconditional and an unbreakable love can help us to encounter true love and healing.
If marriages are falling apart today, it is because we have removed Christ from the heart of our marriages. When relationships are dependent purely on our whims and fancies, when people change partners like the way they change clothes, sleep with anyone for the sake of pleasure and superficial love, such relationships cannot last. We need to bring Christ back into our marriages. He is the leaven that works unseen in our marriage, from inside of us. We might not notice it but just a little leaven can change the entire form of the dough, so Christ can change us and work in us to build beautiful relationships. Only then can we act as the leaven of marriages in the world as we manifest the true revolutionary beauty of a Christian marriage. Let us then begin by planting that mustard seed in us, the seed of Christ’s love in our marriage.
Written by The Most Rev William Goh, Roman Catholic Archbishop of Singapore © All Rights Reserved.
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