20210820 A MODEL MOTHER-IN-LAW
20 August, 2021, Friday, 20th Week, Ordinary Time
First reading |
Ruth 1:1,3-6,14-16,22 © |
Ruth the Moabitess is brought to Bethlehem by Naomi
In the days of the Judges famine came to the land and a certain man from Bethlehem of Judah went – he, his wife and his two sons – to live in the country of Moab. Elimelech, Naomi’s husband, died, and she and her two sons were left. These married Moabite women: one was named Orpah and the other Ruth. They lived there about ten years. Then both Mahlon and Chilion also died and the woman was bereft of her two sons and her husband. So she and her daughters-in-law prepared to return from the country of Moab, for she had heard that the Lord had visited his people and given them food. Then Orpah kissed her mother-in-law and went back to her people. But Ruth clung to her.
Naomi said to her, ‘Look, your sister-in-law has gone back to her people and to her god. You must return too; follow your sister-in-law.’
But Ruth said, ‘Do not press me to leave you and to turn back from your company, for
‘wherever you go, I will go,
wherever you live, I will live.
Your people shall be my people,
and your God, my God.’
This was how Naomi, she who returned from the country of Moab, came back with Ruth the Moabitess her daughter-in-law. And they came to Bethlehem at the beginning of the barley harvest.
Responsorial Psalm |
Psalm 145(146):5-10 © |
My soul, give praise to the Lord.
or
Alleluia!
He is happy who is helped by Jacob’s God,
whose hope is in the Lord his God,
who alone made heaven and earth,
the seas and all they contain.
My soul, give praise to the Lord.
or
Alleluia!
It is he who keeps faith for ever,
who is just to those who are oppressed.
It is he who gives bread to the hungry,
the Lord, who sets prisoners free,
My soul, give praise to the Lord.
or
Alleluia!
the Lord who gives sight to the blind,
who raises up those who are bowed down,
the Lord, who protects the stranger
and upholds the widow and orphan.
My soul, give praise to the Lord.
or
Alleluia!
It is the Lord who loves the just
but thwarts the path of the wicked.
The Lord will reign for ever,
Zion’s God, from age to age.
My soul, give praise to the Lord.
or
Alleluia!
Gospel Acclamation | Ps118:18 |
Alleluia, alleluia!
Open my eyes, O Lord, that I may consider
the wonders of your law.
Alleluia!
Or: | Ps24:4,5 |
Alleluia, alleluia!
Teach me your paths, my God,
make me walk in your truth.
Alleluia!
Gospel |
Matthew 22:34-40 © |
The commandments of love
When the Pharisees heard that Jesus had silenced the Sadducees they got together and, to disconcert him, one of them put a question, ‘Master, which is the greatest commandment of the Law?’ Jesus said, ‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the greatest and the first commandment. The second resembles it: You must love your neighbour as yourself. On these two commandments hang the whole Law, and the Prophets also.’
A MODEL MOTHER-IN-LAW
SCRIPTURE READINGS: [Ruth 1:1.3-6.14-16.22; Ps 146:5-10; Mt 22:34-40]
In many families, there are uneasy tensions between the daughter-in-law and mother-in-law. Sometimes such tensions can flare up and lead to open confrontation and hostility. This happens when the daughter-in-law feels that she is not accepted by her husband’s mother or when the mother becomes overly possessive of her son, and jealous over the love the son gives to his wife. At times, mother-in-law tends to interfere in the way the grand-children are raised. All these lead to resentment, competition and anger.
Of course, we have many families where the daughter-in-law and the mother-in-law are great friends and confidante, regarding each other as mother and daughter. In fact, some mothers are closer to their daughters-in-law then even their own children. How does this happen? What is the secret to win the love of our daughters-in-law? Whilst love and relationship take two hands to clap, the mother-in-law, being the elder, must take the initiative to make her daughter-in-law comfortable, loved, secure and accepted. Today, the scripture readings invite us to turn to Noami, Ruth’s mother-in-law, as our model of how we should relate with our daughters-in-law. Noami is indeed exemplary of a good mother-in-law.
Today’s introduction to the Book of Ruth begins with the narration of the first chapter of Naomi’s life. Her life was tragic. There was famine in Canaan. So Noami and her husband with their two sons had to migrate to the country of Moab to take refuge in a foreign land. Noami demonstrated her fidelity to her husband by leaving for Moab, even if on hindsight it might not have been the best thing to do. She felt it was a mistake to abandon her people and go to Moab because she was punished by the Lord. “Call me no longer Naomi, call me Mara, for the Almighty has dealt bitterly with me. I went away full, but the Lord has brought me back empty; why call me Naomi when the Lord has dealt harshly with me, and the Almighty has brought calamity upon me?” (Ruth 1:20f)
Not only was she a faithful wife, she was a strong woman and mother to her children. When her husband passed away shortly after they arrived in Moab, she brought up the two sons herself. Single-handedly, she raised up the two sons until they were married. When her two sons chose to marry Moabite women, she did not object to their wishes. Indeed, the book of Ruth, which was believed to be written around 400 A.D., was meant to be a subtle attack on the Nationalistic exclusivity promoted by Ezra and Nehemiah when marriages outside their race was forbidden. Noami, in accepting the Moabite women of a different culture and race, demonstrated her inclusivity and her acceptance of people who were different from her. She had no problems with people of other races and even people of other religions, as the Moabites were pagans and had their own gods. This fact must have surely impressed her daughters-in-law as they were treated as people of her own kind and tribe. She did not treat them as second-class citizens. Noami took them as they were, and adjusted to their customs and culture.
Another inspiring aspect of Noami was that she was not imposing. She did not make demands on them. Even when she was later bereft of her two sons as well, hopeless and worthless as she was, she did not cling on to her daughters-in-law. A woman without a man in her life was in those days considered worthless because a woman exists for the sake of her husband, if not at least for her children. In this instance, without a husband and without her sons, she had no position in society. There was no future for her. Then she “heard that the Lord had visited his people and given them food.” So instead of staying in a foreign land without any prospects, she had to return to her homeland in Judah. She would have been left without support if she remained in Moab. Back home, she might be able to find some support from her countrymen or even relatives.
Noami’s selflessness as a mother-in-law is incomparable. “Naomi said to her two daughters-in-law, ‘Go back each of you to your mother’s house. May the Lord deal kindly with you, as you have dealt with the dead and with me. The Lord grant that you may find security, each of you in the house of your husband.’ Then she kissed them, and they wept aloud. ‘They said to her, ‘No, we will return with you to your people.'” (Ruth 1:8-10) Such was the love that Naomi had for them, more than she loved herself. She took the interests and the future of her daughters-in-law into consideration, urging them to stay back in Moab so that they would have better security and a better future. Going back with her to Judah would be disadvantageous for them as they would be seen as foreigners, and because they were widows, it would be difficult for them to find a husband to remarry. And so Noami told them, “Turn back, my daughters, why will you go with me? Would you then refrain from marrying? No, my daughters, it has been far more bitter for me than for you, because the hand of the Lord has turned against me.” (Ruth 1:11,12,13)
We read that they wept aloud again when Noami asked them to return to their country for their own happiness as she could no longer provide them with security and a future. Such was the love that Noami showered on her daughters-in-law that they did not want to leave her but willingly accompany her back to Judah. They wanted to stay back but Noami insisted. “Then Orpah kissed her mother-in-law and went back to her people. But Ruth clung to her.” Again, Noami told her. “‘Look, your sister-in-law has gone back to her people and to her god. You must return too; follow your sister-in-law.’ But Ruth said, ‘Do not press me to leave you and to turn back from your company, for wherever you go, I will go, wherever you live, I will live. Your people shall be my people, and your God, my God.'” Such was the exemplary love that Naomi gave to her daughters-in-law that they wanted to be with her for the rest of their lives.
It is significant that Ruth told her mother-in-law, “I will go wherever you live, I will live. Your people shall be my people, and your God, my God.” For Ruth to make this kind of commitment meant that she must have been so inspired by the life of Noami and her faith in the God of Israel that she was willing to give up her own god and chose her mother-in-law’s people and God as her own. Ruth must have seen how Naomi’s faith in God was so strong. In spite of her adversity and suffering, she did not blame her late husband Elimelech or God. She accepted her suffering with resignation. She continued to have faith in God in good or bad times. Her faith was more than just in God but seen in the way she treated her daughters-in-law. She gave them the respect, dignity and inclusive love when few Israelites were able to do so. She even respected the religion of her daughters-in-law, for as she told Ruth, “Look, your sister-in-law has gone back to her people and to her god.” Noami, although faithful to her own religion, was no fanatic imposing her beliefs on her daughters-in-law.
If she inspired Ruth to change her religion, it was because of her life of faith was seen in concrete love for her neighbour. By so doing, she fulfilled what the Lord is teaching us in today’s gospel when He told the Pharisees and Sadducees that the greatest commandment is, to “love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the greatest and the first commandment. The second resembles it: you must love your neighbour as yourself. On these two commandments hang the whole Law, and the Prophets also.'” It is the faith of Naomi in God that gave her the capacity to love and embrace her sufferings, the tragedies in her life and her daughters-in-law who came from a different culture and religion. This is true love for God, a love that inspires and accepts others who are different. True love for God is an all-embracing love regardless of race, language or religion.
Indeed, if we have a non-Catholic spouse, or in-laws, or children, the best way to convert them is by our deeds rather than by words. When we are loving, caring and respectful of others, we too will be loved and accepted. We might not agree with them but we need to accept that we are different. But through our love and patience, they will one day come to meet the loving and living God in and through us. Faith must be won through love.
Written by The Most Rev William Goh, Roman Catholic Archbishop of Singapore © All Rights Reserved.
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