20211003 MARRIAGE AND DIVORCE: A FAITH CRISIS
03 October, 2021, Sunday, 27th Week, Ordinary Time
First reading | Genesis 2:18-24 © |
A man and his wife become one body
The Lord God said, ‘It is not good that the man should be alone. I will make him a helpmate.’ So from the soil the Lord God fashioned all the wild beasts and all the birds of heaven. These he brought to the man to see what he would call them; each one was to bear the name the man would give it. The man gave names to all the cattle, all the birds of heaven and all the wild beasts. But no helpmate suitable for man was found for him. So the Lord God made the man fall into a deep sleep. And while he slept, he took one of his ribs and enclosed it in flesh. The Lord God built the rib he had taken from the man into a woman, and brought her to the man. The man exclaimed:
‘This at last is bone from my bones,
and flesh from my flesh!
This is to be called woman,
for this was taken from man.’
This is why a man leaves his father and mother and joins himself to his wife, and they become one body.
Responsorial Psalm | Psalm 127(128) © |
May the Lord bless us all the days of our life.
O blessed are those who fear the Lord
and walk in his ways!
By the labour of your hands you shall eat.
You will be happy and prosper.
May the Lord bless us all the days of our life.
Your wife like a fruitful vine
in the heart of your house;
your children like shoots of the olive,
around your table.
May the Lord bless us all the days of our life.
Indeed thus shall be blessed
the man who fears the Lord.
May the Lord bless you from Zion
in a happy Jerusalem
all the days of your life!
May you see your children’s children.
On Israel, peace!
May the Lord bless us all the days of our life.
Second reading | Hebrews 2:9-11 © |
The one who sanctifies is the brother of those who are sanctified
We see in Jesus one who was for a short while made lower than the angels and is now crowned with glory and splendour because he submitted to death; by God’s grace he had to experience death for all mankind.
As it was his purpose to bring a great many of his sons into glory, it was appropriate that God, for whom everything exists and through whom everything exists, should make perfect, through suffering, the leader who would take them to their salvation. For the one who sanctifies, and the ones who are sanctified, are of the same stock; that is why he openly calls them brothers.
Gospel Acclamation | Jn17:17 |
Alleluia, alleluia!
Your word is truth, O Lord:
consecrate us in the truth.
Alleluia!
Or: | 1Jn4:12 |
Alleluia, alleluia!
As long as we love one another
God will live in us
and his love will be complete in us.
Alleluia!
Gospel | Mark 10:2-16 © |
What God has united, man must not divide
Some Pharisees approached Jesus and asked, ‘Is it against the law for a man to divorce his wife?’ They were testing him. He answered them, ‘What did Moses command you?’ ‘Moses allowed us’ they said ‘to draw up a writ of dismissal and so to divorce.’ Then Jesus said to them, ‘It was because you were so unteachable that he wrote this commandment for you. But from the beginning of creation God made them male and female. This is why a man must leave father and mother, and the two become one body. They are no longer two, therefore, but one body. So then, what God has united, man must not divide.’ Back in the house the disciples questioned him again about this, and he said to them, ‘The man who divorces his wife and marries another is guilty of adultery against her. And if a woman divorces her husband and marries another she is guilty of adultery too.’
People were bringing little children to him, for him to touch them. The disciples turned them away, but when Jesus saw this he was indignant and said to them, ‘Let the little children come to me; do not stop them; for it is to such as these that the kingdom of God belongs. I tell you solemnly, anyone who does not welcome the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.’ Then he put his arms round them, laid his hands on them and gave them his blessing.
MARRIAGE AND DIVORCE: A FAITH CRISIS
SCRIPTURE READINGS: [Gn 2:18-24; Ps 127:1-5; Heb 2:9-11; Mk 10:2-16 (or Mk 10:2-12)]
It is universally known and accepted that a strong marriage and family is the bedrock of society. Unstable marriages will lead to constant bickering, quarrels and hostility between the husband and wife. If they have children, they will be adversely affected as well, not just financially but emotionally and psychologically. Unless they are healed, when the children grow up and get married, the emotional scars will continue to surface in their married life and relationships, not just with their partner but in the way they raise their children. Dysfunctional families and children will have serious social consequences for society and the nation. Everyone is aware of the necessity of protecting our marriages and families not just for the good of the individual but for the cohesiveness of society and the future of humanity.
Yet, today, the trends are working against marriage and family. There is a growing number of divorces, which is expected as the tendency for children coming from divorced parents are much higher than those not divorced. Otherwise, some are disillusioned and fearful of marriage, seeing what their parents or their peers had gone through, and choose to remain single. If necessary, they choose cohabitation to overcome their loneliness. Others choose those of the same sex because they feel safer and better able to relate with them. Of course, closely connected with marriage and divorce is the loss of sexual identity as young people today see sex purely as a means to express love and intimacy, regardless of sex. It is a “cool” thing today for young people to claim that they are transgender or non-binary and so they call themselves, “they, we and theirs.”
What is the root cause of crises in marriage and family life? In the gospel, the religious leaders presented Jesus with a very controversial theological, legal and existential issue with regard to marriage. “Is it against the law for a man to divorce his wife?” The evangelist noted, “They were testing him.” For whichever answer Jesus gave, He would incur the wrath of the people since Moses permitted divorce on some grounds. If He said divorce was permitted, He would be going against John the Baptist who condemned Herod for divorcing his wife to marry Herodias. If Jesus forbade divorce, then He would incur the wrath of King Herod who had John the Baptist executed because of his stand against divorce. This question also remains a thorny issue among faith believers today, and whichever way religious leaders were to answer, we would be condemned. Those who support divorce when the marriage is irreconcilable or abusive are seen to be going against the teaching of scriptures. Those who do not support are perceived as lacking compassion, understanding and acceptance. This controversy is also extended to the question of same-sex union as well.
However, Jesus did not answer this question directly. He enlarged the question beyond the legal context to that of the intention of creation. He brought them to the intent of God in creating the world and human beings. It is significant that Jesus did not use the entire text from today’s first reading but took the foundational principle from the creation story in Genesis Chapter 1. “God created humankind in his image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.” (Gn 1:27) Then He joined it with today’s text, “This is why a man must leave father and mother, and the two become one body. They are no longer two, therefore, but one body. So then, what God has united, man must not divide.” This is in order to protect the equality of men and women, for in today’s text, it is often used as a basis to subjugate women under male authority because they were taken from man. Hence, in the Law of Moses, only the man could divorce the wife under any pretext just by giving a written note whereas the woman was left defenceless for she could not initiate any divorce. This explains why the Lord underscored the equal culpability and guilt of man and woman when He said, “The man who divorces his wife and marries another is guilty of adultery against her. And if a woman divorces her husband and marries another she is guilty of adultery too.”
The real crisis in marriage and divorce and the family as well, is not just a social, psychological or moral crisis but fundamentally a crisis of faith. This is the crux of all problems facing Christians in defending the unity of marriage, between a man and a woman, one that is permanent, indissoluble and fruitful, open to procreation, for the Lord after creating man and woman, “blessed them, and God said to them, ‘Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth and subdue it; and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the air and over every living thing that moves upon the earth.'” (Gn 1:28) This has been the intention of God reflected in natural laws. Men and women are made for each other; and sexual intercourse is more than just a form of physical love and intimacy but is open to procreation so that the love between the husband and wife is fruitful, as seen in bringing new life to the world.
So once we lose our faith in God and in the teaching of Christ, we find all human construct to explain away the laws of nature, using sociological and psychological considerations for why divorce and same-sex union should be permitted and accepted because that is what we like and how we are inclined today. We appeal to moral relativism that it is a matter of personal preference and option, so long as we claim that we are loving, we are doing the will of God who is love and that the bible is not against it. We try to fit the Word of God, twist and turn it to suit our preferences or if we want to make it more orthodox to accommodate our weaknesses. Indeed, this is what the Lord said with regard to Moses giving them the permission to divorce. “It was because you were so unteachable that he wrote this commandment for you.”
This, then, is the real truth! We are unteachable! In saying this, Jesus recognized our human weakness as well. After all, in the letter to the Hebrews, Jesus became man to “experience death for all mankind. It was appropriate that (He) should make perfect, through suffering, the leader who would take them to their salvation. For the one who sanctifies, and the ones who are sanctified, are of the same stock; that is why he openly calls them brothers.” Jesus understands that we are fallen creatures and so struggle to be faithful to the ideals that God has established for humankind, the gift of marriage and family too because Jesus in the gospel also spoke highly of the gift of children to the married couple and the kingdom of God.
Consequently, rather than spending and exhausting our futile energy on debating whether divorce is permitted, or same-sex marriage is acceptable, we must go back to the beginning of creation. Faith in God’s Word as recorded in the scriptures is important. Interpreting the Word of God rightly presupposes that as a community of faith, we must be consistent with what has been handed down to us over the last 2000 years. If we think otherwise, we must have very strong and solid grounds to reinterpret the text that breaks away from tradition. If today even our Catholics are shaken with regard to these fundamental questions of marriage and family, it is simply because their faith is weak.
This is why, it is very important for Catholic marriages to be really Catholic. The couple must centre their life in Christ. All singles must also centre their life in Christ. Our point of departure is our faith in Christ and in His Word. When we are in union with Christ, we will find the strength to live up to the divine plan that He has shown to us. Many of our marriages are in difficulty because the faith of the couple is weak. They failed to build their marriage or family with Christ as the centre. They do not pray together. They do not share the Word of God together. The reason why we get married in Church is not to have a grand and social ceremony but because we want God to be at the centre of our relationship. We can ask God to bless our relationship only if that is what God intends for us. We cannot ask God to bless a relationship that is counter to His divine plan. Yet, we must recognize that divorce is often inevitable, relationships are fragile. All the more, we must journey with these couples, embrace them, strengthen their faith and allow God to lead them to grow and be perfected in love.
Indeed, we must do more not just for those preparing for marriage, but those whose marriages are on the rocks, or they are divorced or separated already. Instead of condemning them, or worse still, marginalizing them, we must welcome them and embrace them. They need our encouragement and acceptance to grant them healing from their grief. We need to provide counselling to those who are going through marriage difficulties, and those who are just divorced. We are heartened to know that even the government sees the importance of providing more support for our families, those preparing for marriage and those who are going through difficulties in marriage, including pre and post-divorce counselling. Indeed, as Catholics, we must even be more compassionate and non-judgmental with respect to those who are divorced, even those who are in same-sex relationship. We must welcome everyone as a child of God. Accompanying them, welcoming them and accepting them would be the way to help them recover their faith in God.
Written by The Most Rev William Goh, Roman Catholic Archbishop of Singapore © All Rights Reserved.
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