20221025 GROWING AND PERFECTING OUR LOVE IN CHRIST A SLOW PROCESS
25 October, 2022, Tuesday, 30th Week in Ordinary Time
First reading |
Ephesians 5:21-33 © |
Give way to one another in obedience to Christ
Give way to one another in obedience to Christ. Wives should regard their husbands as they regard the Lord, since as Christ is head of the Church and saves the whole body, so is a husband the head of his wife; and as the Church submits to Christ, so should wives to their husbands, in everything. Husbands should love their wives just as Christ loved the Church and sacrificed himself for her to make her holy. He made her clean by washing her in water with a form of words, so that when he took her to himself she would be glorious, with no speck or wrinkle or anything like that, but holy and faultless. In the same way, husbands must love their wives as they love their own bodies; for a man to love his wife is for him to love himself. A man never hates his own body, but he feeds it and looks after it; and that is the way Christ treats the Church, because it is his body – and we are its living parts. For this reason, a man must leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will become one body. This mystery has many implications; but I am saying it applies to Christ and the Church. To sum up; you too, each one of you, must love his wife as he loves himself; and let every wife respect her husband.
Responsorial Psalm |
Psalm 127(128):1-5 © |
O blessed are those who fear the Lord.
O blessed are those who fear the Lord
and walk in his ways!
By the labour of your hands you shall eat.
You will be happy and prosper.
O blessed are those who fear the Lord.
Your wife will be like a fruitful vine
in the heart of your house;
your children like shoots of the olive,
around your table.
O blessed are those who fear the Lord.
Indeed thus shall be blessed
the man who fears the Lord.
May the Lord bless you from Zion
all the days of your life!
O blessed are those who fear the Lord.
Gospel Acclamation | Jn15:15 |
Alleluia, alleluia!
I call you friends, says the Lord,
because I have made known to you
everything I have learnt from my Father.
Alleluia!
Or: | Mt11:25 |
Alleluia, alleluia!
Blessed are you, Father,
Lord of heaven and earth,
for revealing the mysteries of the kingdom
to mere children.
Alleluia!
Gospel | Luke 13:18-21 © |
The kingdom of God is like the yeast that leavened three measures of flour
Jesus said, ‘What is the kingdom of God like? What shall I compare it with? It is like a mustard seed which a man took and threw into his garden: it grew and became a tree, and the birds of the air sheltered in its branches.’
Another thing he said, ‘What shall I compare the kingdom of God with? It is like the yeast a woman took and mixed in with three measures of flour till it was leavened all through.’
GROWING AND PERFECTING OUR LOVE IN CHRIST A SLOW PROCESS
SCRIPTURE READINGS: [EPHESIANS 5:21-33; PS 128:1-5; LUKE 13:18-21]
St Paul in today’s reading gives us a beautiful picture of what a Christian marriage should be. It should be a reflection of Christ’s love for His Church. This is why, he concluded, “This mystery has many implications; but I am saying it applies to Christ and the Church. To sum up; you too, each one of you, must love his wife as he loves himself; and let every wife respect her husband.” This is why a marriage between two baptized persons is called a sacrament, a sign of Christ’s love for us.
What does this love entail? St Paul says it is firstly giving “way to one another in obedience to Christ.” Just as Christ was obedient to the Father even unto death so we must render the same obedience to Christ by preserving the unity of the marriage which calls for mutual giving. The analogy given by St Paul is this. “Wives should regard their husbands as they regard the Lord, since as Christ is head of the Church and saves the whole body, so is a husband the head of his wife; and as the Church submits to Christ, so should wives to their husbands, in everything.” Rendering obedience to the Lord is never an issue simply because we are confident that whatever Christ asks of us is for our salvation, not to harm us or make us slaves. If this same obedience is given to the husbands, they should show themselves that what they are asking from their wives is for their greater good.
Whilst obedience is asked of the wives, more is asked of the husbands. “Husbands should love their wives just as Christ loved the Church and sacrificed himself for her to make her holy. He made her clean by washing her in water with a form of words, so that when he took her to himself she would be glorious, with no speck or wrinkle or anything like that, but holy and faultless.” Husbands must love their wives in such a way that they would be the ones who would ultimately be making the greater sacrifice for the holiness of their wives rather than making the wives suffer on their account.
St Paul further elaborates by saying that loving the wives after all is loving themselves since both are one. “In the same way, husbands must love their wives as they love their own bodies; for a man to love his wife is for him to love himself. A man never hates his own body, but he feeds it and looks after it; and that is the way Christ treats the Church, because it is his body – and we are its living parts. For this reason, a man must leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will become one body.” This is the reason why marriage is indissoluble simply because in marriage both husband and wife become one body. It is analogous to Christ’s union with His Church, His body. He is the head and we are His members.
Yet, these remain the ideals of what a marriage should be. It would be wonderful if every couple could love the way Christ loves us, submitting to each other in obedience and in deference to one another, or always putting the interests and convenience of our spouse before ourselves, striving to make them holy and most of all, sacrificing ourselves for the good of our spouse. But in reality, how many of such loving, caring and supportive couples do we really have and seen in our lives? In truth, most couples take each other for granted, with each party more concerned with one’s interests than the other. Few truly put the spouse’s interests and happiness before their own. And fewer husbands or wives understand that their vocation is to sanctify each other in the relationship, to keep each other spotless so that they would be able to share the fullness of life with Christ at the end of their lives. So the truth is that most couples are limited in their capacity to love each other the way Christ loves us. It remains a lifelong struggle and often as a consequence they hurt each other by their words and actions.
But this should not be a surprise because most marriages fall short of the ideal. Even Jesus recognized the limits of the indissolubility of marriage as required by the law of Moses. When they asked Him, “Why then did Moses command us to give a certificate of dismissal and to divorce her?” He said to them, “It was because you were so hard-hearted that Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so.” (Mt 19:7f) How can we be so sure as Christians that we will be able to live out our marriage vows perfectly as mentioned in St Paul’s letter when the people during the time of Moses could not do?
Such ideal marriages perhaps could only be possible if a couple are deeply in love with Jesus and their faith in founded in Him. But what is the level of our Catholics’ faith? The majority are nominal Catholics. Many do not practice their faith even. Those who go to Church do so in a routine, functional and obligatory manner. In truth, not many of our Catholics are deeply fervent in their faith, pray and read the scriptures daily, receive the Eucharist regularly or are deeply in love for our Lord. Many just carry out the basic duties of a Catholic so that they do not commit sin. But many of our Catholics lack passion, devotion and love for our Lord. As a consequence, how can we expect them to love like Jesus if they have not encountered Jesus’ unconditional love which is presupposed in a Christian marriage. In fact, often many marriages in Church between Catholics are merely a ritual and an obligation. Many do not make serious spiritual preparations. They spend more time in material preparations. Often, the couple does not even understand the true meaning of the Sacrament of Marriage, much less live it. Some do not even have much faith in Christ. So how can we expect them to love like Jesus, selflessly, unconditionally, faithfully and generously?
Hence, we need to truly ask ourselves whether the law of indissolubility in marriage is an ideal, or a law imposed on everyone regardless whether they have the capacity to fulfil the law? When we insist on this law being observed by everyone and that no one has a second chance unlike other areas in life, then our people carry much suffering, sometimes through no fault of their own but the weakness of the other party. This is why Pope Francis, whilst not denying the indissolubility of marriage as taught by our Lord, which is something no one can change, recognizes that we need to find ways to show compassion for those who cannot live the ideals of what a true Catholic marriage should be, simply because the conditions for such a marriage have never been there.
Indeed, this is even more real today when more than half of our marriages are mixed marriages or disparity in cult. Those who are in mixed marriages or those with different religions will understand the challenge of living out one’s faith, particularly if the spouse is hostile to the other’s faith. There will be constant bickering and even attempts to prevent the spouse and the children from practicing the faith. This would surely lead to a difficult and tense relationship between the couple and confusion for the children. How could an indissoluble marriage in this context work out to be a beautiful loving marriage? Again, the conditions for a true Christian marriage of giving and loving are not there unless one compromises on one’s faith and values!
Just by insisting that our Catholics keep a difficult, contentious, unworkable relationship, and sometimes abusive marriage, is to show the lack of compassion for them. In the gospel, Jesus made it clear that the Kingdom of God is like a mustard seed that grows gradually. So too our relationship with Christ and with our spouse takes time to grow. Perfection of love does not happen overnight. Furthermore, as the parable of the Yeast reminds us, the ambience, the community and society have a great role in protecting our marriages or destroying them. The current situation does not favour fidelity in marriages. This is why it is becoming more challenging to live out the Sacrament of Marriage according to the ideal plan that Christ has for us. This also explains why certain Christian churches and even the Orthodox Catholic church permits divorce under some circumstances and tolerate remarriage because they recognize the limitations of human love.
Written by His Eminence, Cardinal William SC Goh, Roman Catholic Archbishop of Singapore © All Rights Reserved.
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