20250213 SEXUALITY MARRIAGE AND SINGLEHOOD
13 February 2025, Thursday, 5th Week in Ordinary Time
First reading | Genesis 2:18-25 |
Man and wife become one body
The Lord God said, ‘It is not good that the man should be alone. I will make him a helpmate.’ So from the soil the Lord God fashioned all the wild beasts and all the birds of heaven. These he brought to the man to see what he would call them; each one was to bear the name the man would give it. The man gave names to all the cattle, all the birds of heaven and all the wild beasts. But no helpmate suitable for man was found for him. So the Lord God made the man fall into a deep sleep. And while he slept, he took one of his ribs and enclosed it in flesh. The Lord God built the rib he had taken from the man into a woman, and brought her to the man. The man exclaimed:
‘This at last is bone from my bones,
and flesh from my flesh!
This is to be called woman,
for this was taken from man.’
This is why a man leaves his father and mother and joins himself to his wife, and they become one body.
Now both of them were naked, the man and his wife, but they felt no shame in front of each other.
Responsorial Psalm |
Psalm 127(128):1-5 |
O blessed are those who fear the Lord.
O blessed are those who fear the Lord
and walk in his ways!
By the labour of your hands you shall eat.
You will be happy and prosper.
O blessed are those who fear the Lord.
Your wife will be like a fruitful vine
in the heart of your house;
your children like shoots of the olive,
around your table.
O blessed are those who fear the Lord.
Indeed thus shall be blessed
the man who fears the Lord.
May the Lord bless you from Zion
all the days of your life!
O blessed are those who fear the Lord.
Gospel Acclamation | Ps144:13 |
Alleluia, alleluia!
The Lord is faithful in all his words
and loving in all his deeds.
Alleluia!
Or: | Jm1:21 |
Alleluia, alleluia!
Accept and submit to the word
which has been planted in you
and can save your souls.
Alleluia!
Gospel | Mark 7:24-30 |
The astuteness of the Syro-Phoenician woman
Jesus left Gennesaret and set out for the territory of Tyre. There he went into a house and did not want anyone to know he was there, but he could not pass unrecognised. A woman whose little daughter had an unclean spirit heard about him straightaway and came and fell at his feet. Now the woman was a pagan, by birth a Syrophoenician, and she begged him to cast the devil out of her daughter. And he said to her, ‘The children should be fed first, because it is not fair to take the children’s food and throw it to the house-dogs.’ But she spoke up: ‘Ah yes, sir,’ she replied ‘but the house-dogs under the table can eat the children’s scraps.’ And he said to her, ‘For saying this, you may go home happy: the devil has gone out of your daughter.’ So she went off to her home and found the child lying on the bed and the devil gone.
SEXUALITY, MARRIAGE AND SINGLEHOOD
SCRIPTURE READINGS: [GEN 2:18-25; PS 128:1-5; MARK 7:24-30]
It is in the divine plan of God that Man should not be alone. This means that human beings are social animals. We cannot be alone but be in communion with our fellowmen, including all of creation. There is a danger in this generation that we no longer know how to communicate with each other. The use of social media is a double-edged sword. It is meant to help greater communication, but some have used it to avoid personal contact with people. Some feel safer to communicate through social media and words, rather face-to-face. We have lost the sacrament of presence to a virtual reality. We are “unknown” in the social media except for a pseudonym we choose for ourselves. This sense of isolation and alienation is very much prevalent in contemporary society because of bereavement, break up in relationships, divorce, or simply the inability to live with someone.
This is the consequence of an over-emphasis on the individual at the expense of the community. There is a growing “me” mentality among young people who are focused on their “personal rights”. Because there is a trend towards smaller families, young people today are given so much attention that they think they are the centre of the world. They are attention-seeking as well. They are often “emo”, wanting everyone to know how they feel, what they like and what they do not like. When they grow older, they have difficulties accepting that they are not the centre of the universe after all. They will have difficulties making sacrifices for others, giving in to others, and focusing on others before self.
Yet, the truth remains that we are created social creatures. We need relationships and friendships. Most of all, we need someone like us and yet not exactly a replica of ourselves to share our life with and enjoy each other’s company. No other animal in this world can satisfy our need for company and communication. Whilst it is definitely very good for the affective life of a person to have an animal as a pet, unfortunately, these cannot complete the human person’s life. This was why the Lord said, “I will make him a helpmate.” But we are told that no helpmate could be found from among all the wild beasts, cattle and birds. So the Lord “took one of his ribs and enclosed it in flesh. The Lord God built the rib he had taken from the man into a woman, and brought her to the man. The man exclaimed: ‘This at last is bone from my bones, and flesh from my flesh! This is to be called woman, for this was taken from man.'”
Man and woman fulfil each other and make each other complete. This is why, sexual complementarity is written into our DNA. Man does not dominate the woman because both are equal in the eyes of God as individuals and human beings. Man and woman are given to each other so that they can complete each other. This is why God created us man or woman. This divine intention excludes those who promote transgenderism. Biologically, we know whether we are male or female. It is true that some might feel that he or she is of the opposite sex, but that does not make them so. Whilst we are sympathetic towards them because their psychological and emotional feelings do not agree with their biological body, we cannot rewrite the laws of nature. Regardless of how one feels, we are biologically male or female. Our sexuality is related to our biological anatomy. We cannot separate sexuality from our biological body.
Understanding that man and woman complete each other leads us to understand that in God’s plan, the highest form of human relationship is marriage. It completes the physical, emotional, relational, spiritual and sexual needs of a person. Marriage provides the unhindered personal communion and intimacy with another person. As the bible teaches, “This is why a man leaves his father and mother and joins himself to his wife, and they become one body. Now both of them were naked, the man and his wife, but they felt no shame in front of each other.” Both are joined together not just in one body but are called to share one heart and one mind. Most of all, the nakedness before each other is the expression of total openness to each other so that they can feel with each other and protect each other. This calls for total trust, fidelity and total surrender in mind, heart and body. It is to recognize that they are in each other. And so, to love themselves is to love the other person. As St Paul wrote, “In the same way, husbands should love their wives as they do their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hates his own body, but he nourishes and tenderly cares for it, just as Christ does for the church, because we are members of his body.” (Eph 5:28-30)
Hence, in Christian understanding, marriage is a covenant patterned on God’s relationship with His people in the Old and New Testament. The marriage covenant has a social, external, legal dimension. This is why marriage is not simply a private affair between two persons but requires endorsement by society, which is often represented by the State. Nevertheless, the heart of the relationship is a personal commitment to love each other in good and bad times. Such a commitment means unwavering love, fidelity, forgiveness, sacrifice, patience and perseverance. This involves the need to leave our parents and cling to each other in fidelity. Within such a perspective, the couple will be able to grow and mature in love over time. It is also important to see sex in marriage within this context of a loving and faithful commitment. We must avoid the extreme view of sex which reduces it to a mere external and physical activity or even a technique for physical satisfaction, or just a romantic feeling of being loved. In the biblical understanding of sex in marriage, it is to express and enhance the love between the husband and wife. For this reason, sex in marriage is something to be celebrated and even considered sacred as well.
But what about the place of singles? Does it mean that the single person is excluded or exempted from the call to personal communion? Of course not! Marriage is not the only way because our Lord who was a celibate shows us the way to personal communion. Singles and celibate priests and religious too can grow in personal communion with God and with the community they give their lives to. Celibacy can set a person free to develop creative friendships of love where the affective dimensions of his or her sexuality can find full and appropriate expression. However, only heterosexual marriage provides a context of loving intimacy in which the genital dimensions of a person’s sexuality can also be given appropriate expression and one that is open to procreation and not just companionship. In truth, whether we are married or single, divorced or bereaved, we can find the richness and joy in the fellowship of the community. If this is not found in a particular Christian community, perhaps it is because we are not providing the opportunities for fellow Catholics to develop strong bonds with each other and a loving community.
What we need to do today as Church is to promote real friendships between all sexes. Even those who are LGBTQ can find real happiness and friendship. What we cannot do is to affirm that homosexuality relationship is the plan of God. The consistent teaching of the bible and the tradition of the Church is that all sexual relationships outside the context of heterosexual marriage fall short of God’s intention. There is nothing wrong having an intimate relationship with those of the same sex, so long as it is not a sexual relationship. Still, it does not mean that we exclude them from the community. We must be sympathetic and understanding towards those with same-sex orientation. We must make a distinction between homosexual orientation and those who are in a sexual relationship with others of the same sex. But we must be careful of homophobia or marginalizing them. We need to find ways to celebrate relationships, whether heterosexual or homosexual. But it must be done appropriately, sensitively and charitably. This does not mean that we can affirm homosexual relationships as an alternative to heterosexual relationships. In the final analysis, we are called to be in communion with each other, man or woman, and in a deeper way in marriage or those who choose a celibate life by giving themselves to the community. In this way we find completion and fulfilment in life.
Written by His Eminence, Cardinal William SC Goh, Roman Catholic Archbishop of Singapore © All Rights Reserved.
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