20190301
FINDING
A TRUE FRIEND
01 MARCH, 2019,
Friday, 7th Week, Ordinary Time
Readings at Mass
Liturgical Colour:
Green.
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First reading
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Ecclesiasticus 6:5-17 ©
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A faithful friend is a sure shelter
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A kindly turn of speech multiplies a man’s
friends,
and a courteous way of
speaking invites many a friendly reply.
Let your acquaintances be many,
but your advisers one in a
thousand.
If you want to make a friend, take him on
trial,
and be in no hurry to trust
him;
for one kind of friend is only so when it
suits him
but will not stand by you in
your day of trouble.
Another kind of friend will fall out with
you
and to your dismay make the
quarrel public,
and a third kind of friend will share your
table,
but not stand by you in your
day of trouble:
when you are doing well he will be your
second self,
ordering your servants about;
but if ever you are brought low he will
turn against you
and will hide himself from
you.
Keep well clear of your enemies,
and be wary of your friends.
A faithful friend is a sure shelter,
whoever finds one has found a
rare treasure.
A faithful friend is something beyond
price,
there is no measuring his
worth.
A faithful friend is the elixir of life,
and those who fear the Lord
will find one.
Whoever fears the Lord makes true friends,
for as a man is, so is his
friend.
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Responsorial Psalm
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Psalm
118(119):12,16,18,27,34-35 ©
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Guide me, Lord, in the
path of your commands.
Blessed are you, O Lord;
teach me your statutes.
I take delight in your statutes;
I will not forget your word.
Guide me, Lord, in the
path of your commands.
Open my eyes that I may see
the wonders of your law.
Make me grasp the way of your precepts
and I will muse on your
wonders.
Guide me, Lord, in the
path of your commands.
Train me to observe your law,
to keep it with my heart.
Guide me in the path of your commands;
for there is my delight.
Guide me, Lord, in the
path of your commands.
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Gospel Acclamation
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Ps110:7,8
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Alleluia, alleluia!
Your precepts, O Lord, are all of them
sure;
they stand firm for ever and ever.
Alleluia!
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Or:
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Jn17:17
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Alleluia, alleluia!
Your word is truth, O Lord:
consecrate us in the truth.
Alleluia!
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Gospel
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Mark 10:1-12 ©
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What God has united, man must not divide
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Jesus came to the district of Judaea and
the far side of the Jordan. And again crowds gathered round him, and again he
taught them, as his custom was. Some Pharisees approached him and asked, ‘Is it
against the law for a man to divorce his wife?’ They were testing him. He
answered them, ‘What did Moses command you?’ ‘Moses allowed us’ they said ‘to
draw up a writ of dismissal and so to divorce.’ Then Jesus said to them, ‘It
was because you were so unteachable that he wrote this commandment for you. But
from the beginning of creation God made them male and female. This is why a man
must leave father and mother, and the two become one body. They are no longer
two, therefore, but one body. So then, what God has united, man must not
divide.’ Back in the house the disciples questioned him again about this, and
he said to them, ‘The man who divorces his wife and marries another is guilty
of adultery against her. And if a woman divorces her husband and marries
another she is guilty of adultery too.’
FINDING A TRUE
FRIEND
SCRIPTURE READINGS: [ Sir 6:5-17; Ps 119:12, 16, 18, 27, 34-35; Mk 10:1-12]
We all need friends.
No man is an island. We are created for love, to love and be loved. Without true love and meaningful
relationships, life has no purpose. That is why people seek
friendships. Sirach says, “A faithful friend is a sure shelter, whoever
finds one has found a rare treasure. A faithful friend is something
beyond price, there is no measuring his worth. A faithful friend is the
elixir of life.” If we have such a true, faithful and good friend, we
have a treasure that no money can buy.
Unfortunately, the sad
reality is that true friends are rare.
Many of us fall into wrong relationships and suffer countless broken
relationships. As a result, we are hurt and wounded. Some of us
have become skeptical of forging new relationships because of betrayal and
disappointments. We give up on friendships but at the same time, we feel
lonely, unfulfilled and empty even though we might be very successful in our
career and have all the luxuries of life. We know deep in our hearts that
things alone cannot satisfy us. They can satisfy the body, but the spirit
is empty and restless.
This is ironically true
even in marriage. Our spouse is supposedly our best friend, the person we
want to live with for the rest of our life. The purpose of marriage is to develop an
intimate, strong and lasting relationship. It is a relationship of mind,
heart and body. This is what the Lord said in today’s gospel. He said,
“from the beginning of creation God made them male and female. This is
why a man must leave father and mother, and the two become one body. They
are no longer two, therefore, but one body. So then, what God has united,
man must not divide.” God wants us to find true happiness and love
in marriage where a man completes the woman and vice versa. Through
mutual sharing of mind, heart and physical intimacy, we become the sacrament of
God’s love to each other.
Unfortunately, this is
not the case in many instances. Marriages today do not last. Not only are men unfaithful in marriage,
women today are equally inclined to infidelity because of better education,
financial independence, freedom and social interaction. At the same time,
because of work and other demands, couples do not have much time with each
other. If they have children, sometimes instead of growing closer
together, they become more apart because of the different ways and values in
raising children. This leads to disagreement, misunderstanding,
quarrels, distrust and eventually a weakened emotional tie with the
spouse. Instead of being a source of comfort, consolation and strength to
each other, the relationship becomes distant, cold and even hostile. This
situation is worsened when husbands do not treat their wives with respect and
sensitivity. Indeed, often in marriages, the spouse experiences deep
loneliness and aloneness in their struggles. This eventually leads to a
breakdown in the marriage.
How, then, can we
cultivate good, strong, faithful and meaningful relationships? Firstly, we must
take the advice of Sirach.
“If you want to make a friend, take him on trial, and be in no hurry to
trust him.” We need time to develop a friendship. This is
the common mistake of many people in a relationship, especially relationships
with the opposite sex. Before we know the person well, sharing the same
mind and same heart, common interests and values, we become physically intimate
with our partner. When this happens, the other areas of communication,
intellectual and affective relationship are weakened and jeopardized.
Hence, the relationship eventually breaks down because the couple comes to
realize that they never really understood each other or shared common values or
really cared for each other, except for the physical intimacy. For
this reason, we must put our friends on trial, that is, we need time to develop
mutual understanding, trust and love. This cannot be rushed because a
relationship is not built in a day but over months and years.
Secondly, we must make
friends and not enemies. Sirach
said, “Keep well clear of your enemies, and be wary of your friends.”
Whilst we should never create enemies but be a friend to all, we should also be
wary of who are our friends. There are some who do not have friends
because they are crude, rude and negative towards others. Nothing
positive comes out of their lips but sarcasm, gossip, slander and bad-mouthing
of others. They are always lamenting, condemning and whining. Such
people will drive potential friends away because no one wants to be in such
energy-sapping company.
Thirdly, we must
distinguish the kind of friends that we cultivate. There are friends, and
there are friends.
As Sirach pointed out, “one kind of friend will fall out with you and to your
dismay make your quarrel public, and a third kind of friend will share your
table, but not stand by you in your day of trouble: when you are doing well he
will be your second self, ordering your servants about; but if ever you are
brought low he will turn against you and will hide himself from you.”
Indeed, we must be discerning about who are our real friends. There are
those who love us and adore us only because we are attractive to them, perhaps
our physical beauty, or intelligence, or charm or simply because we serve their
needs and desires. These people are not our real friends but perhaps more
likely, our fans.
Besides our fans, we
have another kind of friends who are fair-weather friends. They are more likely acquaintances
than friends. They are around us when things are well with
us. We engage in social conversations, celebrate and enjoy
together. But our relationship is superficial. We do not really
know them and they do not really know us. We only talk about things that
are mutually beneficial. In truth, we want to see what we can get from
them and not what we can give to them. Such friendships are one-sided,
inward-looking and more concerned about oneself than the other. We love
the person for our sake and our benefit. That is why Sirach tells us,
“Let your acquaintances be many, but your advisors one in a thousand.”
This group of friends has a role to play in our lives but they cannot be taken
seriously and be relied on. Perhaps, someday, true friendship might
blossom, but until then, they are just acquaintances and they can leave us any
time for better friendships.
Fourthly, we must be a
friend to another instead of waiting for others to be our friends. Sirach advises us, “a kindly turn
of speech multiplies a man’s friends, and a courteous way of speaking invites
many a friendly reply.” When we treat our friends with respect, love,
kindness, gentleness and warmth, we can expect that they will regard us the
same. How we treat others is how others will treat us. Even Jesus
remarked, “For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not
even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet only your brothers
and sisters, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do
the same?” (Mt 5:46f) He gave
us the golden rule. “In everything do to others as you would have them do to
you; for this is the law and the prophets.” (Mt 5:12) Sirach puts it aptly, “as a man is,
so is his friend.”
Finally, our friendships
must be founded on God Himself.
Sirach says, “A faithful friend is the elixir of life, and those who fear the
Lord will find one.” If our relationships turn sour or do not last, it is
always because we focus on ourselves or too much on the other, leaving God out
of the picture. True friendships must be founded in Christ. He must
be the center of our relationship. In fact, this is what marriage is all
about. It is not that the sacrament of marriage is not effective in
strengthening and building beautiful marriages but because the married couple
only gets married in church. They fail to bring Christ into their
relationship, their marriage and family life. Only when we put Christ as
the rock of our relationship, then we become more like Him in loving, more and
more each day. St Paul says, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved
the church and gave himself up for her, in order to make her holy by cleansing
her with the washing of water by the word.” (Eph 5:25) This, of course, applies not
only to husbands but wives and all forms of relationship. Only when
we live a good Christian life, fear God and love Him, can we then become a
friend to others as Jesus is to us. Indeed, “Whoever fears the Lord
makes true friends.” Whoever loves Christ, loves truly.
Written
by The Most Rev William Goh, Roman Catholic Archbishop of Singapore © All
Rights Reserved
