20200812 FOUNDATIONAL PRINCIPLES IN RESOLVING CONFLICTS
12 August, 2020, Wednesday, 19th Week, Ordinary Time
Readings at Mass
Liturgical Colour: Green.
First reading |
Ezekiel 9:1-7,10:18-22 © |
The cross marks the foreheads of all who are pure
As I, Ezekiel, listened, God shouted, ‘Come here, you scourges of the city, and bring your weapons of destruction.’ Immediately six men advanced from the upper north gate, each holding a deadly weapon. In the middle of them was a man in white, with a scribe’s ink horn in his belt. They came in and halted in front of the bronze altar. The glory of the God of Israel rose off the cherubs where it had been and went up to the threshold of the Temple. He called the man in white with a scribe’s ink horn in his belt and said, ‘Go all through the city, all through Jerusalem, and mark a cross on the foreheads of all who deplore and disapprove of all the filth practised in it.’ I heard him say to the others, ‘Follow him through the city, and strike. Show neither pity nor mercy; old men, young men, virgins, children, women, kill and exterminate them all. But do not touch anyone with a cross on his forehead. Begin at my sanctuary.’ So they began with the old men in front of the Temple. He said to them, ‘Defile the Temple; fill the courts with corpses, and go.’ They went out and hacked their way through the city.
The glory of the Lord came out from the Temple threshold and paused over the cherubs. The cherubs spread their wings and rose from the ground to leave, and as I watched the wheels rose with them. They paused at the entrance to the east gate of the Temple of the Lord, and the glory of the God of Israel hovered over them. This was the creature that I had seen supporting the God of Israel beside the river Chebar, and I was now certain that these were cherubs. Each had four faces and four wings and what seemed to be human hands under their wings. Their faces were just as I had seen them beside the river Chebar. Each moved straight forward.
Responsorial Psalm |
Psalm 112(113):1-6 © |
Above the heavens is the glory of the Lord.
or
Alleluia!
Praise, O servants of the Lord,
praise the name of the Lord!
May the name of the Lord be blessed
both now and for evermore!
Above the heavens is the glory of the Lord.
or
Alleluia!
From the rising of the sun to its setting
praised be the name of the Lord!
High above all nations is the Lord,
above the heavens his glory.
Above the heavens is the glory of the Lord.
or
Alleluia!
Who is like the Lord, our God,
who has risen on high to his throne
yet stoops from the heights to look down,
to look down upon heaven and earth?
Above the heavens is the glory of the Lord.
or
Alleluia!
Gospel Acclamation | Ps110:7,8 |
Alleluia, alleluia!
Your precepts, O Lord, are all of them sure;
they stand firm for ever and ever.
Alleluia!
Or: | 2Co5:19 |
Alleluia, alleluia!
God in Christ was reconciling the world to himself,
and he has entrusted to us the news that they are reconciled.
Alleluia!
Gospel |
Matthew 18:15-20 © |
If your brother listens to you, you have won back your brother
Jesus said to his disciples: ‘If your brother does something wrong, go and have it out with him alone, between your two selves. If he listens to you, you have won back your brother. If he does not listen, take one or two others along with you: the evidence of two or three witnesses is required to sustain any charge. But if he refuses to listen to these, report it to the community; and if he refuses to listen to the community, treat him like a pagan or a tax collector.
‘I tell you solemnly, whatever you bind on earth shall be considered bound in heaven; whatever you loose on earth shall be considered loosed in heaven.
‘I tell you solemnly once again, if two of you on earth agree to ask anything at all, it will be granted to you by my Father in heaven. For where two or three meet in my name, I shall be there with them.’
FOUNDATIONAL PRINCIPLES IN RESOLVING CONFLICTS
SCRIPTURE READINGS: [EZEKIEL 9:1-7, 10:18-22; MATTHEW 18:15-20 ]
The Christian community is supposed to be a sign of Christ’s presence in the world. We are to be a model community of love. This is what the Lord said to His disciples before He departed from this world. “I give you a new commandment, that you love one another. Just as I have loved you, you also should love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.” (Jn 13:34f) Every Christian community should be modelled after the community in the early Church which we read in the Acts of the Apostles. (cf Act 2:43-47; 4:32-37)
But the reality is that the Christian community is made up of all kinds of people at different levels of spiritual growth. This is even so among priests, religious and lay leaders. Whilst all are baptized, not all have attained the same spiritual depth of holiness and grace. Whilst all might want to follow Christ, some carry with them their past hurts. Although they have been forgiven the sins of their past life, the wounds are not completely healed. Some psychological hurts are so deep. It would take a long time to be healed unless they receive a special grace of God. As a consequence, when these emotional and psychological pains are stirred up, the Old Adam that has been lying dormant is awakened. This explains why some members of the Church are very sensitive, some are insensitive, others are reactive, unable to control their tongue or words. Some are very egoistic, self-centered and always seeking attention and limelight, albeit unconsciously, when serving God. So we have all kinds of people in the Christian community, some very humble, some judgmental.
So what do we do when there are conflicts? Right from the outset, we must not see conflicts as something negative in the Christian community. A healthy community will have its share of inter-personal conflicts in relationship. Indeed, conflict is the gateway to a greater understanding of each other. It deepens mutual understanding through a keener sense of sensitivity and exchange of feelings and ideas. Conflicts are negative only when it leads to division and resentment. What is needed are rules of engagement for handling conflicts so that these can be directed positively for growth in inter-personal relationships. What would these guidelines be?
Direct confrontation does not help because it could cause more hurts to our ego and pride. When we confront, we come with a judgmental attitude; that we are right and the other person is wrong. When we have pre-judged, it becomes more difficult for us to disengage from our biased viewpoint. We will want to find reasons to justify our position. There will be a lack of openness to find the truth and to see from the other person’s perception. But keeping our resentment will not help either, because it will fester and become worse. We will move from disagreement to resentment, anger, revenge and hatred. We begin to imagine things and draw conclusions based on our presumptions and fears.
Not to deal with the conflict can be escapism because we fear that upon confrontation, our presumptions will be found to be false and therefore we lose pride. So we prefer not to raise the issues. However, allowing evil or injustice to prevail would be an act against charity towards the community or even the person himself or herself. It implies that we care more for ourselves than the good of others. Others are no better. They use anonymous letters and emails to hide their fears behind such instruments of communication. Often, such anonymous letters are not taken seriously as they lack credibility. Those who make accusations but are not willing to vouch for what they claim often make dialogue and clarification impossible. This is against justice and charity.
So the first principle of managing conflict is that our objective must be clear. It presumes our desire to protect the community, especially the weak, and our responsibility to look out for every lost sheep that has strayed, and most of all, to reconcile. Indeed, today’s gospel text on reconciliation must be read in the context of the entire chapter 18 of Matthew’s gospel which speaks about the seriousness of sin, the grave sin of scandal to the vulnerable, the need to reach out to the lost sheep and to forgive always. Otherwise, this pericope of the gospel when taken out of context would sound rather juridical and impersonal, imposing Church rules rather than a pastoral approach. This means that when we are dealing with errant members of the community, the intention is to reconcile, to heal and to restore the relationship, and not to punish, destroy, humiliate or excommunicate the person. We are concerned which little one is hurt, which sheep is lost and to whom we must render forgiveness.
Indeed, Jesus’ command is clear about putting this principle of restoration above every other consideration. He said, “If your hand or your foot causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away; it is better for you to enter life maimed or lame than to have two hands or two feet and to be thrown into the eternal fire. And if your eye causes you to stumble, tear it out and throw it away; it is better for you to enter life with one eye than to have two eyes and to be thrown into the hell of fire.” (Mt 18:8f) In other words, if what we do causes us to lose someone in the process, then we must do all we can to restore, heal and bring back the person to the community. If our motive is clear, that it is out of charity and love that we are approaching someone who has scandalized the weak, or hurt someone in the community, then our approach would be gentle, compassionate, forgiving and understanding. We do not confront the person with the intention of putting him or her down but to lift everyone up.
Secondly, we need to follow the principle of dialogue, respecting the dignity of every one. St Matthew proposes the following steps to take. When there is a conflict, we must resolve it privately between two persons. We do not wash dirty linen in public. When it is between two persons, we seek to save the pride of each other. The worst is to tell many people like some do. When they send a letter of complaint, they address to everyone instead of dealing with the person privately. When the intent is to expose and bring the person down, it only creates resentment, retaliation and rancor. It will not solve the problem but make it worse. Indeed, the gospel asks us to speak to the person directly, not using email because words create more misunderstanding and misinterpretation. When that fails, then we should bring two or three others along, those who are wise and mature, objective enough to help to mediate the disagreement. We must try to keep it within the family rather than bringing the conflict to the court or to the press and mass media, seeking to smear the reputation of the offender. If the situation cannot be resolved between the two parties, we should escalate to the community but it should stay within the community.
Thirdly, in resolving conflicts, we must not compromise the truth. This is what the Lord meant when He said, “if he refuses to listen to the community, treat him like a pagan or a tax collector. I tell you solemnly, whatever you bind on earth shall be considered bound in heaven; whatever you loose on earth shall be considered loosed in heaven.” To turn a blind eye to what is wrong is not charity, much less justice, but to be an accomplice to the crime. However, truth must always be spoken in love. Truth without love will bring about greater pain. Love without truth is a lie. In the final analysis, when the situation cannot be resolved, we should just abandon it for a while until the situation is ripe for dialogue again.
Finally, we must never forget that the work of reconciliation is not a human endeavor alone. Indeed, we can follow all the principles enumerated in today’s gospel reading and yet not end in reconciliation and restoration. The process can be right and yet ineffective. We must pray as a community. We must bring Christ into the dialogue. Only in prayer can we resolve conflicts, when everyone is docile to the Holy Spirit and in humility listen to each other. When we pray together, Jesus will unite us and reconcile us with each other.
Written by The Most Rev William Goh, Roman Catholic Archbishop of Singapore © All Rights Reserved. The contents of this page may not be reproduced, in whole or in part, in any form or by any means, without the prior written permission from the Archbishop’s Office. This includes extracts, quotations, and summaries.
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