FINDING JOY AND PASSION IN THE MINISTRY

20151006 FINDING JOY AND PASSION IN THE MINISTRY

Readings at Mass

First reading

Jonah 3:1-10 ©

The word of the Lord was addressed a second time to Jonah: ‘Up!’ he said ‘Go to Nineveh, the great city, and preach to them as I told you to.’ Jonah set out and went to Nineveh in obedience to the word of the Lord. Now Nineveh was a city great beyond compare: it took three days to cross it. Jonah went on into the city, making a day’s journey. He preached in these words, ‘Only forty days more and Nineveh is going to be destroyed.’ And the people of Nineveh believed in God; they proclaimed a fast and put on sackcloth, from the greatest to the least. The news reached the king of Nineveh, who rose from his throne, took off his robe, put on sackcloth and sat down in ashes. A proclamation was then promulgated throughout Nineveh, by decree of the king and his ministers, as follows: ‘Men and beasts, herds and flocks, are to taste nothing; they must not eat, they must not drink water. All are to put on sackcloth and call on God with all their might; and let everyone renounce his evil behaviour and the wicked things he has done. Who knows if God will not change his mind and relent, if he will not renounce his burning wrath, so that we do not perish?’ God saw their efforts to renounce their evil behaviour, and God relented: he did not inflict on them the disaster which he had threatened.

Psalm

Psalm 129:1-4,7-8 ©

If you, O Lord, should mark our guilt: Lord, who would survive?

Out of the depths I cry to you, O Lord,

  Lord, hear my voice!

O let your ears be attentive

  to the voice of my pleading.

If you, O Lord, should mark our guilt: Lord, who would survive?

If you, O Lord, should mark our guilt,

  Lord, who would survive?

But with you is found forgiveness:

  for this we revere you.

If you, O Lord, should mark our guilt: Lord, who would survive?

Because with the Lord there is mercy

  and fullness of redemption,

Israel indeed he will redeem

  from all its iniquity.

If you, O Lord, should mark our guilt: Lord, who would survive?

Gospel Acclamation

Jn15:15

Alleluia, alleluia!

I call you friends, says the Lord,

because I have made known to you

everything I have learnt from my Father.

Alleluia!

Or

Lk11:28

Alleluia, alleluia!

Happy are those

who hear the word of God

and keep it.

Alleluia!

Gospel

Luke 10:38-42 ©

Jesus came to a village, and a woman named Martha welcomed him into her house. She had a sister called Mary, who sat down at the Lord’s feet and listened to him speaking. Now Martha who was distracted with all the serving said, ‘Lord, do you not care that my sister is leaving me to do the serving all by myself? Please tell her to help me.’ But the Lord answered: ‘Martha, Martha,’ he said ‘you worry and fret about so many things, and yet few are needed, indeed only one. It is Mary who has chosen the better part; it is not to be taken from her.’

FINDING JOY AND PASSION IN THE MINISTRY

SCRIPTURE READINGS: JONAH 3:1-10; LK 10:38-42

Faith must be expressed in charity.  We are all called to serve by the Lord.  Many of us are willing to serve Him.   We gladly respond to the call to serve Him in Church or in Non-government Organizations.  We begin with much enthusiasm and joy, knowing that we can be of service to Him and His people. Yet, often we become disillusioned in ministry and full-time apostolate in the Church.  Many of us are scandalized and become disheartened over time.  Even priests and religious have become jaded.

How is it that we find no joy in ministry? Two reasons could explain this situation.  Firstly, serving in ministry often makes us discouraged and angry because of differences and misunderstandings when working with others.  Although all apparently want to serve the Lord but sometimes differences in approach, opinions and directions can cause much hurt and divisions.  Secondly, sometimes we feel so burdened by the weight of the office and the demands and responsibility it places on us, we are overwhelmed.  Everyone wants a bit of us.

How did this come about when we started out with great joy, passion and enthusiasm?  This is because we are not conscious of our motives for serving Him and what is driving us to serve.  Unconsciously, we all believe that we want to serve God, but in truth our motives are not as pure as we believe them to be.  Unbeknownst to us, we are motivated by many unconscious factors such as security, acceptance, love, popularity, power and personal gains, material or otherwise.

In the first place, although most of us want to serve Him, we also want serve Him on our own terms only. This was the case of Jonah and of course Martha as well. Jonah wanted God to punish the people by fulfilling His threats to bring disaster upon them.   But God forgave them because they repented.  God, as the responsorial says, is a merciful and forgiving God.  As a result, Jonah’s ego was wounded and he felt embarrassed that his prophecy did not come true.  Similarly, Martha wanted to show hospitality but in her own ways too.  She was not sensitive to what her guest wanted or needed.   She was only determined to do what she wanted for the Lord and how it should be done.  Instead of pleasing the Lord by giving Him some rest and intimacy, she kicked up a row and attempted to cause sibling rivalry, making everyone else unhappy.  In service, we find there is so much pride and egoistic motives involved.  This brings division among Church members, even to the extent of threatening or committing acts of revenge.  How could this be?  This is contrary to the mission of communion.  We know that the mission of communion must be accomplished in communion.

Secondly, ministry becomes a chore and a duty because of the demands motivated by ambition and success.  Instead of driving our agenda, we become driven.   We lose our center and end up fulfilling the demands and expectations of others.  We fear saying “No”, not because we are enthusiastic, but because we are afraid people might not be happy with us.  So the motive of service is not coming out of one’s convictions and passion.  It is not motivated by love and compassion but by expectations and the need for acceptance and popularity.

As a consequence, we begin to exhibit the same burnout syndromes as Jonah and Martha. They were angry and resentful when things did not go their way.  They were irritable and complaining. They were looking for scapegoats to blame.  They started comparing themselves with others.  They fell into self-pity.   Love was no longer a motivating factor but duty.   There was no compassion for what they were doing.  It became more of an ambition rather than a service. It became self-seeking.

When these signs appear in our ministry, they reveal to us that the source of our motivation is not from the love of God.  Thus the work of God becomes the work for God.  The difference lies in that the former allows God to work through us and the latter seeks to earn the merits of God.  When it is no longer the work of God, we do not rely on the primacy of grace but on ourselves alone.  This explains the cause of our anxiety and the need to be successful rather than being faithful.

This brings us back to the question of prayer.  It is not the doing that is wrong.  The gospel is not teaching us that we should not do more for the Lord.  But it is a question of priority and primacy.  Mary not only chose the better part but she knew her priority.  She chose the better part because she knew that no amount of work one does and the rewards one receives from the ministry can be equal to the intimacy one shares with the Lord.  Secondly, she also knew that her strength and wisdom in ministry comes from the Lord and not from herself. For this reason she was not irritable. She could spend time with the Lord without guilt.  She was no workaholic but certainly she was dedicated to the work of the Lord.

We too need to turn to the Lord in prayer and contemplation so that we can get in touch with Him and with ourselves, our motives.  Secondly, we find strength and consolation from Him as the source of our love and drive to do His work.  Otherwise, we depend and crave from human beings that love and that acceptance.  But when we have acceptance from God and His love, it is enough to drive us to continue in our ministry with passion and love.  For this reason, Pope John Paul II in his apostolic letter, Novo millennio ineunte says that prayers must be the basis for all pastoral planning.

Written by The Most Rev William Goh

Roman Catholic Archbishop of Singapore

© All Rights Reserved

OUR REAL NEIGHBOURS ARE THE HELPLESS STRANGERS AND ESPECIALLY OUR ENEMIES

20151005 OUR REAL NEIGHBOURS ARE THE HELPLESS STRANGERS AND ESPECIALLY OUR ENEMIES

Readings at Mass

First reading

Jonah 1:1-2:1,11 ©

The word of the Lord was addressed to Jonah son of Amittai:

  ‘Up!’ he said ‘Go to Nineveh, the great city, and inform them that their wickedness has become known to me.’ Jonah decided to run away from the Lord, and to go to Tarshish. He went down to Joppa and found a ship bound for Tarshish; he paid his fare and went aboard, to go with them to Tarshish, to get away from the Lord. But the Lord unleashed a violent wind on the sea, and there was such a great storm at sea that the ship threatened to break up. The sailors took fright, and each of them called on his own god, and to lighten the ship they threw the cargo overboard. Jonah, however, had gone below and lain down in the hold and fallen fast asleep. The boatswain came upon him and said, ‘What do you mean by sleeping? Get up! Call on your god! Perhaps he will spare us a thought, and not leave us to die.’ Then they said to each other, ‘Come on, let us draw lots to find out who is responsible for bringing this evil on us.’ So they cast lots, and the lot fell to Jonah. Then they said to him, ‘Tell us, what is your business? Where do you come from? What is your country? What is your nationality?’ He replied, ‘I am a Hebrew, and I worship the Lord, the God of heaven, who made the sea and the land.’ The sailors were seized with terror at this and said, ‘What have you done?’ They knew that he was trying to escape from the Lord, because he had told them so. They then said, ‘What are we to do with you, to make the sea grow calm for us?’ For the sea was growing rougher and rougher. He replied, ‘Take me and throw me into the sea, and then it will grow calm for you. For I can see it is my fault this violent storm has happened to you.’ The sailors rowed hard in an effort to reach the shore, but in vain, since the sea grew still rougher for them. They then called on the Lord and said, ‘O the Lord, do not let us perish for taking this man’s life; do not hold us guilty of innocent blood; for you, the Lord, have acted as you have thought right.’ And taking hold of Jonah they threw him into the sea; and the sea grew calm again. At this the men were seized with dread of the Lord; they offered a sacrifice to the Lord and made vows.

  The Lord had arranged that a great fish should be there to swallow Jonah; and Jonah remained in the belly of the fish for three days and three nights. The Lord spoke to the fish, which then vomited Jonah on to the shore.

Canticle

Jonah 2:3-5,8 ©

You lifted my life from the pit, O Lord.

Out of my distress I cried to the Lord

  and he answered me;

from the belly of Sheol I cried,

  and you have heard my voice.

You lifted my life from the pit, O Lord.

You cast me into the abyss, into the heart of the sea,

  and the flood surrounded me.

All your waves, your billows,

  washed over me.

You lifted my life from the pit, O Lord.

And I said: I am cast out

  from your sight.

How shall I ever look again

  on your holy Temple?

You lifted my life from the pit, O Lord.

While my soul was fainting within me,

  I remembered the Lord,

and my prayer came before you

  into your holy Temple.

You lifted my life from the pit, O Lord.

Gospel Acclamation

cf.Jn6:63,68

Alleluia, alleluia!

Your words are spirit, Lord, and they are life;

you have the message of eternal life.

Alleluia!

Or

Jn13:34

Alleluia, alleluia!

I give you a new commandment:

love one another just as I have loved you,

says the Lord.

Alleluia!

Gospel

Luke 10:25-37 ©

There was a lawyer who, to disconcert Jesus, stood up and said to him, ‘Master, what must I do to inherit eternal life?’ He said to him, ‘What is written in the Law? What do you read there?’ He replied, ‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your strength, and with all your mind, and your neighbour as yourself.’ ‘You have answered right,’ said Jesus ‘do this and life is yours.’

  But the man was anxious to justify himself and said to Jesus, ‘And who is my neighbour?’ Jesus replied, ‘A man was once on his way down from Jerusalem to Jericho and fell into the hands of brigands; they took all he had, beat him and then made off, leaving him half dead. Now a priest happened to be travelling down the same road, but when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side. In the same way a Levite who came to the place saw him, and passed by on the other side. But a Samaritan traveller who came upon him was moved with compassion when he saw him. He went up and bandaged his wounds, pouring oil and wine on them. He then lifted him on to his own mount, carried him to the inn and looked after him. Next day, he took out two denarii and handed them to the innkeeper. “Look after him,” he said “and on my way back I will make good any extra expense you have.” Which of these three, do you think, proved himself a neighbour to the man who fell into the brigands‘ hands?’ ‘The one who took pity on him’ he replied. Jesus said to him, ‘Go, and do the same yourself.’

OUR REAL NEIGHBOURS ARE THE HELPLESS STRANGERS AND ESPECIALLY OUR ENEMIES

SCRIPTURE READINGS:  JONAH 1:1-2:1, 11; LUKE 10:25-37

We are told in the gospel that the scribe wanted “to disconcert Jesus” and so engaged in an intellectual religious debate with Jesus regarding His attitude to non-Jews.  In response to the question of what one must do to inherit eternal life, Jesus referred to the Law of Moses which is simply this: “You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your strength and with all your mind and your neighbour as yourself.”  Of course, the answer of Jesus is well known to every Jew, not least to the scribe who was a professional lawyer of the Torah.

Yet, the fact remains that the Jews knew that deep in their hearts they had not totally fulfilled this commandment, especially the last segment of the commandment.  The problem lies in the fact that for the Jews, their religion and nationalistic pride restricted them from reaching out beyond their own kind.  As far as the Jews were concerned, non-Jews were unclean and pagans had no hope for salvation.   We can understand that such a mentality existed during the time when the book of Jonah was written.  In the first reading, Jonah disobeyed God because just like his fellow Hebrews, they could not accept that God wanted the salvation of pagans.  Thus, Jonah left for Tarshish deliberately, hoping that God would punish the pagans for their wickedness.  He had no pity, compassion or love for them.  He only wished their destruction.  The irony of it all is that by wanting them to be exterminated, the sailors in the boat sacrificed him to save themselves saying, “’O Lord, do not let us perish for taking this man’s life; do not hold us guilty of innocent blood; for you, Lord, have acted as you thought right.’ And taking hold of Jonah they threw him into the sea; and the sea grew calm again.

Within this context, we can understand why the lawyer was “anxious to justify himself”.  He questioned Jesus further, “And who is my neighbour?”  It should be noted that this scribe wanted to engage in an intellectual discourse with Jesus by posing this question in such a way that was directed towards others.  The question was not “Am I a neighbour to others?”, but rather, “Who is my neighbour?”  Yes, the scribe was not really interested in examining himself, but rather in proving that his alienating attitude towards pagans and non-Jews was justified, namely, that non-Jews and sinners do not deserve our love and mercy.

Of course Jesus could see the self-righteousness of the scribe.  He knew clearly that ‘neighbours’ for the Jews could only refer to fellow Jews.  Thus, instead of responding in an academic manner, He discussed the problem existentially by relating the parable of the Good Samaritan.  At the end of the story, Jesus challenged him to rethink and adjust his mindset by asking him, “Which of these three, do you think, proved himself a neighbour to the man who fell into the brigands’ hands?”  Take note of the response of the scribe.  He said, “The one who took pity on him”.  He did not say explicitly that it was the Samaritan traveller, because it would be too difficult for him to admit that the one who really proved himself to be a neighbour was his enemy!

We too are just like the scribe.  We ask questions in order to justify ourselves.  We do not really want to know the truth about ourselves.  For like the scribe, we restrict our neighbours to our loved ones, our friends, those whom we like and those whom we can get something back in return.  We do not go beyond our circle of friends.  This was the attitude of the priest and the Levite in the story.  They were more concerned about their self-interest, their salvation, by not getting themselves ritually contaminated by either a dead man or worse still, by a non-Jew!  Similarly when our love is restricted to our loved ones and friends, such love is not truly divine love since to love our loved ones is not just for their sakes but ours.  Love for friends has mutual benefits unlike our love for strangers and those who cannot repay us in any way.   Helping those who do not even know that we help them is a true participation in God’s love, as Jesus tells us in the gospel, “So when you give to the needy, do not announce it with trumpets, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and on the streets, to be honored by others … But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in secret. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you”. (Mt 6:2-4)

But the point of the parable goes beyond even just helping those who cannot repay us but like the Samaritan who reached out to one who was not simply a stranger, but an enemy.  He took the risk of helping the injured man by bandaging his wounds and bringing him to an inn to recuperate at his expense without hoping for anything in return; perhaps even risking misunderstanding and condemnation. This Samaritan was moved simply by compassion and love.  If that was the case for the Samaritan, then our neighbours should rightfully include strangers, those who are helpless, our enemies and those whom we can get nothing back in recompense.

Jesus says to love only those who love us is to behave like pagans, for they love only in this manner. He said, “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect”. (Mt 5:43-48)

Indeed, it is easy to love those who love us.  The fact of life is that we care and love those who love us more.  But if we fail to be a neighbour to our enemies and those who do not like us, then we have not really loved. Jesus did not only teach us but in His very own life, He also died for us whilst we were still sinners.  “You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” (Rom 5:6-8)

It does not suffice to simply know who our neighbour is, as we are called to be a neighbour to others.  Yes, the command of Jesus is direct, “Go, and do the same yourself … and life is yours.”  Be a neighbour to the poor, the unloved and your enemies!  This is truly loving God and loving oneself.  Without a true love for our enemies and the helpless, we cannot truly claim to have the heart of God.  For this same reason too, we cannot inherit eternal life since the life of God and His compassion to all human beings, and even all creatures, is not in us.  If we are unable to go beyond our pagan love for others today because we do not have the heart of God, then we must turn once again to Jonah.  We are told that God sent a fish to swallow Jonah and he was in the belly of the fish for three days and three nights before the fish vomited him onto the shore.  Following this experience, the rest of the Jonah story tells us how he returned to Nineveh to preach conversion and repentance to the people.

Of course, we are not told in today’s scripture reading what made him change his mind and obey the call of God.  This is because almost the entire second chapter has been omitted due to a space constraint.  In chapter two, we are told how Jonah reflected on his life, his ingratitude and the love and mercy of God for him when he was in the belly of the fish.  It was through prayer and recollection that he came to realize how great a sinner he was and how God has loved him in spite of his unworthiness.  It was in the belly that he experienced the merciful and universal salvific love of God.  Once he realized that God loves us all in spite of our sinfulness and that He wants the salvation of all, including the pagans and not the Hebrews alone, he decided to prophesy to the Ninevites.

We too must spend time in prayer and recollection so that we will become more conscious of our sinfulness and the lack of love in our lives.  We must recognize that if God loves us, then we are called to love others in return, especially those whom we consider undeserving of our love, such as our enemies or difficult people in our lives.  When we realize that God also wants these people to come to the knowledge of the truth and experience His love, we would gladly become His messengers of love, be a neighbour, and a good Samaritan to them, without having any thought of reward or appreciation.  Such a heart would necessarily mean that we have the life of God in us, now and hereafter, since all human beings and all creatures are our friends and we are one with them in love and unity.

Written by The Most Rev William Goh

Roman Catholic Archbishop of Singapore

© All Rights Reserved

THE CRISIS IN FAMILY LIFE AND SOCIETY TODAY IS DUE TO THE FAILURE TO RESPECT THE SANCTITY OF MARRIAGE IN ITS UNITY AND INDISSOLUBILITY

20151004 THE CRISIS IN FAMILY LIFE AND SOCIETY TODAY IS DUE TO THE FAILURE TO RESPECT THE SANCTITY OF MARRIAGE IN ITS UNITY AND INDISSOLUBILITY

Readings at Mass

First reading

Genesis 2:18-24 ©

The Lord God said, ‘It is not good that the man should be alone. I will make him a helpmate.’ So from the soil the Lord God fashioned all the wild beasts and all the birds of heaven. These he brought to the man to see what he would call them; each one was to bear the name the man would give it. The man gave names to all the cattle, all the birds of heaven and all the wild beasts. But no helpmate suitable for man was found for him. So the Lord God made the man fall into a deep sleep. And while he slept, he took one of his ribs and enclosed it in flesh. The Lord God built the rib he had taken from the man into a woman, and brought her to the man. The man exclaimed:

‘This at last is bone from my bones,

and flesh from my flesh!

This is to be called woman,

for this was taken from man.’

This is why a man leaves his father and mother and joins himself to his wife, and they become one body.

Psalm

Psalm 127:1-5 ©

May the Lord bless us all the days of our life.

O blessed are those who fear the Lord

  and walk in his ways!

By the labour of your hands you shall eat.

  You will be happy and prosper.

May the Lord bless us all the days of our life.

Your wife like a fruitful vine

  in the heart of your house;

your children like shoots of the olive,

  around your table.

May the Lord bless us all the days of our life.

Indeed thus shall be blessed

  the man who fears the Lord.

May the Lord bless you from Zion

  in a happy Jerusalem

  all the days of your life!

May you see your children’s children.

  On Israel, peace!

May the Lord bless us all the days of our life.

Second reading

Hebrews 2:9-11 ©

We see in Jesus one who was for a short while made lower than the angels and is now crowned with glory and splendour because he submitted to death; by God’s grace he had to experience death for all mankind.

  As it was his purpose to bring a great many of his sons into glory, it was appropriate that God, for whom everything exists and through whom everything exists, should make perfect, through suffering, the leader who would take them to their salvation. For the one who sanctifies, and the ones who are sanctified, are of the same stock; that is why he openly calls them brothers.

Gospel Acclamation

Jn17:17

Alleluia, alleluia!

Your word is truth, O Lord:

consecrate us in the truth.

Alleluia!

Or

1Jn4:12

Alleluia, alleluia!

As long as we love one another

God will live in us

and his love will be complete in us.

Alleluia!

Gospel

Mark 10:2-16 ©

Some Pharisees approached Jesus and asked, ‘Is it against the law for a man to divorce his wife?’ They were testing him. He answered them, ‘What did Moses command you?’ ‘Moses allowed us’ they said ‘to draw up a writ of dismissal and so to divorce.’ Then Jesus said to them, ‘It was because you were so unteachable that he wrote this commandment for you. But from the beginning of creation God made them male and female. This is why a man must leave father and mother, and the two become one body. They are no longer two, therefore, but one body. So then, what God has united, man must not divide.’ Back in the house the disciples questioned him again about this, and he said to them, ‘The man who divorces his wife and marries another is guilty of adultery against her. And if a woman divorces her husband and marries another she is guilty of adultery too.’

  People were bringing little children to him, for him to touch them. The disciples turned them away, but when Jesus saw this he was indignant and said to them, ‘Let the little children come to me; do not stop them; for it is to such as these that the kingdom of God belongs. I tell you solemnly, anyone who does not welcome the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.’ Then he put his arms round them, laid his hands on them and gave them his blessing.

THE CRISIS IN FAMILY LIFE AND SOCIETY TODAY IS DUE TO THE FAILURE TO RESPECT THE SANCTITY OF MARRIAGE IN ITS UNITY AND INDISSOLUBILITY

SCRIPTURE READINGS: GN 2:18-24; HEB 2:9-11; MK 10:2-16

The greatest threat to the world and humanity today is not terrorism but the destruction of the human family.  Once family life is destroyed and disintegrated, society would also be divided, since the family is the basic structure of society.  If the family and society are both under threat it is because the institution of marriage is no longer recognized as sacred.

What are the consequences for failing to observe the sacredness of marriage?  The result is disorder in family, society and humanity.  When we do not recognize the intrinsic unity and indissolubility of marriage, then adultery and divorce become the order of the day.  The introduction of contraceptives, test-tube babies etc have made the whole situation worse.  Indeed, today many of our families are dysfunctional because the family unit has broken down.  Broken families bring about a broken and sick society.

Dysfunctional families produce children who are no longer holistic in their upbringing.  Without the complementary love of a father and mother, children raised in single families or families where their parents are always fighting and abusing each other, will turn out to be dysfunctional.  For without the proper ambience, they cannot grow in love and trust.  Dysfunctional families produce children who are not capable of relationship when they grow up.  As adults in life, they are unable to sustain a proper relationship.  Hence history often repeats itself as their marriages also ends in divorce.

For these reasons, we must once again return to the wisdom of the Church, which is simply imparting the wisdom of God.  In order to appreciate the teaching of the Church on the unity of marriage, that is one man, one wife or monogamy; and the indissolubility of marriage, negatively understood as the prohibition of divorce, we must understand the rationale behind the teachings so that we can be convinced of the truth of what is taught and revealed to us for the sake of our happiness and the perpetuation of the human race.

In the first place, we must remember that the moral laws of the Church are founded on natural laws, which means that they are universal laws rooted in human nature.  This is true for the unity and indissolubility of marriage.  Both the first reading and the gospel make it clear that the foundation for marriage is based on creation.  Jesus cited Genesis saying, “from the beginning of creation God made them male and female. This is why a man must leave father and mother, and the two become one body. They are no longer two, therefore, but one body. So then, what God has united, man must not divide.’”

From creation alone, that is natural laws, it is clear that man and woman are made for each other.  As the first reading describes to us, “while he slept, he took one of his ribs and enclosed it in flesh. The Lord God built the rib he had taken from the man into a woman, and brought her to the man.”  So intimate and united are men and women that Adam exclaimed, “This at last is bone from my bones, and flesh from my flesh! This is to be called woman, for this was taken from man.”  So from the creation point of view, men and women complement each other.  For that is what it means to be created in the image of God for the fullness of God’s image is both masculine and feminine.

Hence, for a person to be complete, man and woman need each other.  This explains why one of the purposes of marriage is in order that men and women can be helpmate to each other.  They are called to be one in each other.  Emotionally and psychologically, men are inclined to be more logical in thinking whereas women tend to be more feeling.  Physically and biologically, men and women are made for each other so that we can continue to multiply and procreate.  Hence, Genesis tells us, “It is not good that the man should be alone. I will make him a helpmate. So from the soil the Lord God fashioned all the wild beasts and all the birds of heaven. … But no helpmate suitable for man was found for him.”  Indeed, the unity of marriage is underscored when the scriptures remind us, “This is why a man leaves his father and mother and joins himself to his wife, and they become one body.”

Secondly, marriage is also indissoluble.  Jesus makes it clear that “what God has united, man must not divide.”  Without unity and indissolubility in marriage, there would be no stability in marriage love and marriage life. The truth is that today many people are not ready for relationship in marriage.  When they encounter difficulties in married life, the first thought that comes to their mind is divorce.  They fail to realize that love and relationship takes time to mature and grow.  It is through the quarrels, misunderstandings and difficulties that couples become more sensitive to the needs and weaknesses of each other.  To love means to give ourselves to the other person more and more each day.

Of course, in Christian marriage, it is not only seen on the level of creation.  Christian marriage is raised to the dignity of a sacrament, that is, a sign of God’s intimate, unconditional and faithful love for us.  A marriage is called a sacrament because it shares in the covenantal relationship that God has established with us.  This covenantal relationship that is founded in the Old Testament when God made the Covenant with Noah, Abraham, fulfilled in Moses and completed in Jesus, speaks of God’s love for us.  Only when marriage is permanent and indissoluble, can we speak of a total giving and total surrender.  The unity and indissolubility of marriage is God’s way of providing the ambience for such an unconditional relationship based on mutual self-giving because of the stability given to that relationship.

Hence, the sacrament of marriage is an invitation to share in the fullness of God’s love in a very real way.  What is the fullness of God’s love if not the call to unity in diversity!  This is what the Trinitarian love of God is all about, the love between the Father and the Son in the same Spirit.  Sharing in the love of God entails therefore that “a man leaves his father and mother and joins himself to his wife, and they become one body.”   Because marriage is a reflection of God’s love, it is called a sacrament.

Of course, we know that unconditional and faithful love is very difficult.  Husband and wife experience tremendous difficulties because both persons have different character and personality.  To love unconditionally and faithfully implies death to self.  We cannot love the other person unless we die to our own needs and self-interests.

In the final analysis, marriage love is to share in the paschal mystery of Christ.  It is an invitation to join Him in His passion, death and resurrection. Marriage is a means of sanctification through love and sacrifices.  Husband and wife are called to sanctify each other through selfless love.  Every day in marriage life we are called to die to ourselves a little more each day.  Spouses are called to be spiritual benefactors to each other.  Through gradual death to self, one is perfected in love and holiness in Christ.

The real reason why many marriages are not working well is because they are only married in Church but they are not married in Christ.  To be married in Church is simply to go through a wedding ceremony.  To be married in Christ is to make Christ the foundation of our relationship and marriage.  How many couples from the day of their wedding pray together and pray for each other?  Indeed because couples love each other only with their human love, that relationship cannot last.  This is because human love alone is calculative, selfish, inward looking, insecure and conditional.  But if we place our love in Christ, then we would be able to surmount every difficulty in marriage life because both the couples would try to become more like Christ in loving in an unconditional, total and faithful manner.  Through their common love for Christ, they will find the strength to forgive each other, to be humble and always seeing all difficulties as opportunities to be sanctified in holiness.

Written by The Most Rev William Goh

Roman Catholic Archbishop of Singapore

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