EMPTYING OF SELF AS THE PRE-REQUISITE OF MUTUAL LOVE

20151104 EMPTYING OF SELF AS THE PRE-REQUISITE OF MUTUAL LOVE

First reading

Romans 13:8-10 ©

Avoid getting into debt, except the debt of mutual love. If you love your fellow men you have carried out your obligations. All the commandments: You shall not commit adultery, you shall not kill, you shall not steal, you shall not covet, and so on, are summed up in this single command: You must love your neighbour as yourself. Love is the one thing that cannot hurt your neighbour; that is why it is the answer to every one of the commandments.

Psalm

Psalm 111:1-2,4-5,9 ©

Happy the man who takes pity and lends.

or

Alleluia!

Happy the man who fears the Lord,

  who takes delight in all his commands.

His sons will be powerful on earth;

  the children of the upright are blessed.

Happy the man who takes pity and lends.

or

Alleluia!

He is a light in the darkness for the upright:

  he is generous, merciful and just.

The good man takes pity and lends,

  he conducts his affairs with honour.

Happy the man who takes pity and lends.

or

Alleluia!

Open-handed, he gives to the poor;

  his justice stands firm for ever.

  His head will be raised in glory.

Happy the man who takes pity and lends.

or

Alleluia!

Gospel Acclamation

Ps118:88

Alleluia, alleluia!

Because of your love give me life,

and I will do your will.

Alleluia!

Or

1P4:14

Alleluia, alleluia!

It is a blessing for you

when they insult you for bearing the name of Christ,

for the Spirit of God rests on you.

Alleluia!

Gospel

Luke 14:25-33 ©

Great crowds accompanied Jesus on his way and he turned and spoke to them. ‘If any man comes to me without hating his father, mother, wife, children, brothers, sisters, yes and his own life too, he cannot be my disciple. Anyone who does not carry his cross and come after me cannot be my disciple.

  ‘And indeed, which of you here, intending to build a tower, would not first sit down and work out the cost to see if he had enough to complete it? Otherwise, if he laid the foundation and then found himself unable to finish the work, the onlookers would all start making fun of him and saying, “Here is a man who started to build and was unable to finish.” Or again, what king marching to war against another king would not first sit down and consider whether with ten thousand men he could stand up to the other who advanced against him with twenty thousand? If not, then while the other king was still a long way off, he would send envoys to sue for peace. So in the same way, none of you can be my disciple unless he gives up all his possessions.’

EMPTYING OF SELF AS THE PRE-REQUISITE OF MUTUAL LOVE

SCRIPTURE READINGS: ROM 13:8-10; LK 14:25-33

The two readings of today’s mass, present us with some apparent contradictions in the message.  On the one hand, the letter of St Paul tells us that we are called to love.  Firstly we must love our neighbours.  Secondly, we must love ourselves.  By so doing, we have fulfilled the law.  Thirdly, St Paul tells us that this love a mutual debt.   In truth, what St Paul says is nothing really new.  He is just repeating the Torah.

However, when we turn to the gospel message, Jesus seems to be repudiating all that St Paul has said about love.  He spoke of hating ourselves and our loved ones.  The message of Jesus firstly, tells us that we must not only hate our neighbours but even our closest loved ones.  We are called to turn our back on our family members.   That is not all; we are also called to hate our very self and instead take up the cross and to give up all our possessions.  In other words, Jesus seems to be advocating a sadistic outlook on life.  Lastly, instead of speaking about a mutual debt of love, Jesus seems to be encouraging a calculating love in the two examples of the builder and the king who was being attacked by another stronger king.  The reason for them to do what they did was motivated by self-interest; the builder was afraid of his ego being wounded whilst the king was afraid of losing his kingdom.  But both acted out of self-interest.

When we look at the two ways of seeing life, one tends to agree more with St Paul.  What he says seems to be more logical and reasonable.  It would be difficult to disagree with him.  But with Jesus, His message is rather shocking and disturbing.  One can hardly find His message logical, nor be taken seriously, at least literally.  Is Jesus therefore advocating nihilism?  Is St Paul more enlightened than Jesus?  But surely Jesus could not be less enlightened than St Paul.  So then, how do we resolve this conumdrum?

Firstly, we must realize that actually both Jesus and St Paul are speaking about the same thing but in different ways.  Perhaps, we can classify St Paul’s approach to love as via positiva; and that of Jesus as via negativa.  Both will bring us to love, of our neighbours and of ourselves.   Which approach is better?  Well, Paul’s approach seems to be more appealing to the Western philosophy of life – which is that of doing, striving and enriching.  But there are hazards in such an approach.  The fact is that mutual love can end in nothing else but “I pat you and you pat me.”  Mutual love is conditional.  It requires a response.  But because it requires a response, one can hardly be said to really love the other person.  We love another in order that we might be loved.   In the same vein, one can hardly be said to love oneself truly because our appreciation of self is dependent on whether others love us or not.  Consequently, in mutual love, we could end up trying to buy love from each other, always hoping that we will pat each other back.

Nevertheless, I am not saying that mutual love is not Christian.  What I want to say is that mutual love is truly Christian only when our love for another springs firstly from a true love of oneself; and that it is this love in us that spurs us to share it with others.  In that way, our love for another will not depend on the response of another’s love.   It will be truly unconditional.

Within this context, then we can understand the message of Jesus better.  If Jesus asks us to hate our loved ones, it is because very often even our love for our loved ones is conditional love.  Parents love their children only if they live up to their expectations and ambitions; only if they give them pride and glory.  Children love their parents only if they are given the things that they want.   Again, if Jesus asks us to hate ourselves, it is in order that we be totally emptied of the need to be    loved.  When one is emptied of the need to be loved, then he really finds himself lovable.  To hate ourself is simply to forget about oneself, one’s needs and one’s ego.  If we forget about ourselves, then we will not be looking for our self-interests to be fulfilled.   Finally, when Jesus asks us to renounce all our possessions, He is simply asking us to be free from all forms of possessiveness.  The moment we try to possess anything including people, we become possessed and are no longer free to love.

Yes, Jesus’ message strikes at the fundamental root of cultivating a truly mutual love for others.  Unless, we have emptied ourselves of the need to be loved, the need to possess, the need to be recognized, the need to be concerned about oneself, then we cannot yet love others truly.  It will not be a mutual love but only a mutual exchange of love which is dependent on what one can get out of a relationship and not what one can give in a relationship.  Such mutual love will be reduced to a very self-centered love which is concerned about oneself rather than the other.  In other words, it is self-love under the disguise of love of others.  But if we first cultivate the hatred of self and our loved ones, which is nothing else but the emptying of self, then we can truly love others, unconditionally and totally in the way Jesus loves us.

Written by The Most Rev William Goh

Roman Catholic Archbishop of Singapore

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