20170209 GRAPPLNG WITH SAME SEX UNION
Readings at Mass
Liturgical
Colour: Green.
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First reading
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Genesis 2:18-25 ©
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The Lord God said,
‘It is not good that the man should be alone. I will make him a helpmate.’ So
from the soil the Lord God fashioned all the wild beasts and all the birds of
heaven. These he brought to the man to see what he would call them; each one
was to bear the name the man would give it. The man gave names to all the
cattle, all the birds of heaven and all the wild beasts. But no helpmate
suitable for man was found for him. So the Lord God made the man fall into a
deep sleep. And while he slept, he took one of his ribs and enclosed it in
flesh. The Lord God built the rib he had taken from the man into a woman, and
brought her to the man. The man exclaimed:
‘This at last is bone
from my bones,
and flesh from my
flesh!
This is to be called
woman,
for this was taken
from man.’
This is why a man
leaves his father and mother and joins himself to his wife, and they become one
body.
Now both
of them were naked, the man and his wife, but they felt no shame in front of
each other.
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Responsorial
Psalm
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Psalm
127(128):1-5 ©
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O blessed are
those who fear the Lord.
O blessed are those
who fear the Lord
and walk
in his ways!
By the labour of your
hands you shall eat.
You will
be happy and prosper.
O blessed are
those who fear the Lord.
Your wife will be
like a fruitful vine
in the
heart of your house;
your children like
shoots of the olive,
around
your table.
O blessed are
those who fear the Lord.
Indeed thus shall be
blessed
the man
who fears the Lord.
May the Lord bless
you from Zion
all the
days of your life!
O blessed are
those who fear the Lord.
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Gospel
Acclamation
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Ps144:13
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Alleluia, alleluia!
The Lord is faithful
in all his words
and loving in all his
deeds.
Alleluia!
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Or
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Jm1:21
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Alleluia, alleluia!
Accept and submit to
the word
which has been
planted in you
and can save your
souls.
Alleluia!
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Gospel
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Mark 7:24-30 ©
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Jesus left Gennesaret
and set out for the territory of Tyre. There he went into a house and did not
want anyone to know he was there, but he could not pass unrecognised. A woman
whose little daughter had an unclean spirit heard about him straightaway and
came and fell at his feet. Now the woman was a pagan, by birth a Syrophoenician,
and she begged him to cast the devil out of her daughter. And he said to her,
‘The children should be fed first, because it is not fair to take the
children’s food and throw it to the house-dogs.’ But she spoke up: ‘Ah yes,
sir,’ she replied ‘but the house-dogs under the table can eat the children’s
scraps.’ And he said to her, ‘For saying this, you may go home happy: the devil
has gone out of your daughter.’ So she went off to her home and found the child
lying on the bed and the devil gone.
GRAPPLNG
WITH SAME SEX UNION
We are created as social
beings. This is in our DNA. We all need friends and support from
our fellow human beings. As the Lord said, “It is not good that the man
should be alone. I will make him a helpmate.” No man is an island.
This is true not just in the human world but also in most instances in the
animal world. Even if we are not sociable, we need at least a friend or a
helpmate in this world to survive. Otherwise, our lives will be so
meaningless because there will be no sharing of life and love.
We are created not just to
eat and work but principally for meaningful and loving relationships.
That is why, although the Lord gave us the authority over the animals, to
“name” them, which is a sign of power, yet “no helpmate suitable for man was
found for him.” Animals can be very loving towards us. It is
emotionally and psychologically fulfilling to have a pet in our lives.
Yet, in spite of all the love and joy animals can give us, we cannot share with
them all our joys and sorrows. For that reason, the bible says, none of
them could be a suitable helpmate.
Who, then, can be a
suitable helpmate for man, if not one who is equal to him? Accordingly,
God “made the man fall into a deep sleep. And while he slept, he took one of
his ribs and enclosed it in flesh. The Lord God built the rib he had taken from
the man into a woman, and brought her to the man.” Of course, we
must not take this text literally, but it points to the fact that the only one
who can fulfill our lack is one who is both similar to us and yet
different. Thus, God created us as male and female. “The man
exclaimed: ‘This at last is bone from my bones, and flesh from my flesh!
This is to be called woman, for this was taken from man.’” In the
relationship between a man and a woman, we see a unity in diversity.
Instead of a simple identical union of body, mind and heart, the Lord created
both different and yet complementary to each other.
In truth, men and women are
not exactly the same even though both are human beings and have a mind, heart,
soul and spirit. Admit it or not, men and women are physiologically and
emotionally different in nature. Biologically, the way our bodies
are constituted is different. Emotionally, we are also quite different as
well. This explains why traditionally the man is called to be the
protector and the provider whereas the woman stays at home to nurture the
children. Even today, when both the man and the woman are working, the
maternal functions of caring for the children remain with the woman.
Indeed, most women would choose family over their career because taking caring
of the family is what truly fulfills them. Thus, we must recognize
that God created us male and female so that we can complement each other and so
help both to find fulfillment. “This is why a man leaves his father and mother
and joins himself to his wife, and they become one body.”
Why did not God create us
all identical so that we have only one sex? If God had intended us to
have same sex union, then he would not have created us the same and yet
different. From the physiological point of view, those of the same sex
cannot complement each other. The man is made to enter the body of the
woman and the latter to receive the man. It is an expression of giving to
receive and in receiving, give. In this complementarity action,
union is achieved. Each therefore completes the other. In a
complementary relationship, there is also growth and an increase of love
because each brings to the other what the other does not have. Diversity
does not divide but actually increases the depth of the unity. True unity is
not grounded in uniformity but in diversity. Men and women are called to
enrich each other.
Furthermore, there is the
necessity of perpetuating the human race and the rest of creation. If all
were identical, the human race will be extinct in no time. There is a
social obligation towards humanity. We feel this more intensely as the
world faces depopulation. If the rate continues, humanity will eventually
be extinguished as there will be less and less young people in the world to
continue keeping the world and its economy growing. This also explains
why marriage is considered not just a private or a religious institution but is
governed by the State because of the social implications.
But how do we account for
the fact that there are some who do not feel drawn to the opposite sex?
Yet others feel that they have the emotions and feelings of the opposite sex
and claim that they are in the wrong body. Then again, some feel more
comfortable and attracted to those of the same sex. They have no feelings
for those of the opposite sex. The truth is that insisting that they fall
in love with someone of the opposite sex would be a lie. Those who live
this lie, even when they are married, will eventually end in divorce because
there is no real union of mind and heart with the spouse even if there could be
a union of the body.
From this perspective, some
argue for same sex relationships because at least from the affective point of
view, they are more similar in emotions and feelings. Same sex
orientation persons claim that this helps relationship better because there
would be less disagreement and misunderstandings because they are of the same
sex, they can understand the temperament of each other much better.
Is this a fact? Do they feel complete in their sexual relationship
because both bodies cannot fulfill each other even if they can fulfill each
other emotionally? Some even go further to suggest that they are in
a better position to adopt and bring up children because there would be fewer
conflicts in the relationship. Will children brought up by same sex
couple be confused over their sexual identity, which would then have a
psychological and emotional impact on their behavior? Those in same sex
relationships must deal squarely with these questions.
It is also true that in
many cases, same sex relationships are temperamental and full of anxiety
because of a greater temptation to betrayal and to have multiple sex
partners. Of course, this could also be true in a hetero-sexual
relationship. Yet in many cases, same sex couples tend to be emotionally
more temperamental. As a result, and because of jealousy, insecurity and
possessiveness, there is much quarrel and manipulation of each other’s needs.
When we examine deeper, could some of these causes in same sex attraction
be more the result of upbringing, education or even sexual abuse? In many
situations today, some are indoctrinated or initiated into same sex union from
young and because of peer pressure. It is now offered as an option,
not so much a relationship rooted in nature but in one’s psychological and
emotional needs. There is a disconnect between the physiological sexual
identity and the emotional and psychological identity.
Insecurity is always the
lack of a holistic love because of parental upbringing. In many
instances, one parent is either missing in their lives or unable to relate with
them. There is a deeper need to compensate the vacuum in our lives
because we know that we cannot fulfil ourselves alone but we need someone to
complete our needs. Otherwise, masturbation would have fulfilled our
sexual needs. Yet we know that masturbation is a perverted sexual
inclination because the finality of our sexual organs according to natural laws
is not respected. In other words, every part of the body has a
purpose. Only when the different parts of the body, including the entire human
person, acts according to nature, can one find integrity and union.
Whilst we speak so much about the importance of protecting nature today,
unfortunately, we only think of ecology in terms of environmental ecology and
failing to recognize that the greatest abuse of the ecosystem is when we do not
respect the human ecology, of the complementarity of sexes, marriage and the
family. This, perhaps, is the foundational cause of the abuse of nature.
How, then, should we deal
with this struggle, especially those with same sex orientation? Firstly,
it requires faith in divine revelation which is given to us in the Word of God
found in scripture and tradition. This must be the point of
departure. Whether we agree or not with the teachings of scripture and
tradition, at least in faith we subscribe to what the Word of God has revealed
to us through the history of humanity. Same sex attraction is not new but
it is something as ancient as humanity. Consistently, the Word of God,
although cognizant of this fact, like other sexual sins, adultery and divorce,
has condemned it. In faith, we accept this as the truth, just as in other
areas of morality as taught in scriptures. “The obedience of faith (Rom. 13:26; see 1:5; 2 Cor 10:5-6) is to be given to God who reveals, an
obedience by which man commits his whole self freely to God, offering the full
submission of intellect and will to God who reveals, and freely assenting to
the truth revealed by Him. To make this act of faith, the grace of God and the
interior help of the Holy Spirit must precede and assist, moving the heart and
turning it to God, opening the eyes of the mind and giving joy and ease to everyone
in assenting to the truth and believing it. To bring about an ever deeper
understanding of revelation the same Holy Spirit constantly brings faith to
completion by His gifts.” (LG 5.1) Let us be humble to know that there
are many things beyond human understanding.
Of course, it must also be
said that even the grasping of truths taught in scripture can grow and deepen
as well. Vatican II in Lumen Gentium teaches, “For there is a growth in
the understanding of the realities and the words which have been handed down.
This happens through the contemplation and study made by believers, who
treasure these things in their hearts (see Luke, 2:19, 51) through a
penetrating understanding of the spiritual realities which they experience, and
through the preaching of those who have received through Episcopal succession
the sure gift of truth. For as the centuries succeed one another, the Church
constantly moves forward toward the fullness of divine truth until the words of
God reach their complete fulfillment in her.” (DV 8.2)
It is true for the Church,
but it is also true for the individual. In this instance, we must apply
the law of gradualness in terms of understanding of the truth taught and also
in applying it to our lives. Knowing the truth is not a univocal term but
there are different degrees of understanding and conviction. Living out
the truth is even more challenging. So we must be patient, compassionate
and understanding with those who are struggling to reconcile the teaching of
the Word of God with their personal lives. It would not be right for us
to pass subjective judgement on them for only God can judge their hearts.
Rather, we must embrace and accept them and love them as much as we love
others. They are not second class Catholics and they deserve all our love
and acceptance. To accept them does not mean that we are saying same sex
union is accepted in the bible, but we are saying that they would have to come
to terms with what the Word of God says, of which we cannot change; and how
they live their lives. Only God can enlighten them in the truth so that
they can find peace and integrity in their lives, consistent with what they
believe and in accordance to the laws of God.
This is fundamentally the
message and attitude of Jesus in today’s gospel. He knew that He was
called to proclaim salvation to the Jews but He did not exclude the
Syro-phonecian woman who was desperately seeking for assistance for her
daughter’s deliverance from the devil. Because of her faith and humility,
the Lord did not refuse her request. So too, we can be sure that God is
merciful and understanding. He knows how much pain and humiliation from
rejection; fear and anxiety those with same sex attraction are going
through. So let us not drive them away further but recognize that
they too are seeking for love like anyone in a heterosexual relationship. They
too deserve respect and acceptance and love. Most of all, we must entrust
them to the mercy and love of God. This God who creates us loves us all, regardless
of our sexual orientation so long as we seek to grow in authentic love for each
other.
Written
by The Most Rev William Goh Roman Catholic Archbishop of Singapore © All Rights
Reserved
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