TRUE FRIENDSHIP CAN ONLY BE FOUND IN A COMMON LOVE AND FIDELITY TO THE LORD

20170224 TRUE FRIENDSHIP CAN ONLY BE FOUND IN A COMMON LOVE AND FIDELITY TO THE LORD

Readings at Mass

Liturgical Colour: Green.

First reading

Ecclesiasticus 6:5-17 ©

A kindly turn of speech multiplies a man’s friends,

  and a courteous way of speaking invites many a friendly reply.

Let your acquaintances be many,

  but your advisers one in a thousand.

If you want to make a friend, take him on trial,

  and be in no hurry to trust him;

for one kind of friend is only so when it suits him

  but will not stand by you in your day of trouble.

Another kind of friend will fall out with you

  and to your dismay make the quarrel public,

and a third kind of friend will share your table,

  but not stand by you in your day of trouble:

when you are doing well he will be your second self,

  ordering your servants about;

but if ever you are brought low he will turn against you

  and will hide himself from you.

Keep well clear of your enemies,

  and be wary of your friends.

A faithful friend is a sure shelter,

  whoever finds one has found a rare treasure.

A faithful friend is something beyond price,

  there is no measuring his worth.

A faithful friend is the elixir of life,

  and those who fear the Lord will find one.

Whoever fears the Lord makes true friends,

  for as a man is, so is his friend.

Responsorial Psalm

Psalm 118(119):12,16,18,27,34-35 ©

Guide me, Lord, in the path of your commands.

Blessed are you, O Lord;

  teach me your statutes.

I take delight in your statutes;

  I will not forget your word.

Guide me, Lord, in the path of your commands.

Open my eyes that I may see

  the wonders of your law.

Make me grasp the way of your precepts

  and I will muse on your wonders.

Guide me, Lord, in the path of your commands.

Train me to observe your law,

  to keep it with my heart.

Guide me in the path of your commands;

  for there is my delight.

Guide me, Lord, in the path of your commands.

Gospel Acclamation

Ps110:7,8

Alleluia, alleluia!

Your precepts, O Lord, are all of them sure;

they stand firm for ever and ever.

Alleluia!

Or

Jn17:17

Alleluia, alleluia!

Your word is truth, O Lord:

consecrate us in the truth.

Alleluia!

Gospel

Mark 10:1-12 ©

Jesus came to the district of Judaea and the far side of the Jordan. And again crowds gathered round him, and again he taught them, as his custom was. Some Pharisees approached him and asked, ‘Is it against the law for a man to divorce his wife?’ They were testing him. He answered them, ‘What did Moses command you?’ ‘Moses allowed us’ they said ‘to draw up a writ of dismissal and so to divorce.’ Then Jesus said to them, ‘It was because you were so unteachable that he wrote this commandment for you. But from the beginning of creation God made them male and female. This is why a man must leave father and mother, and the two become one body. They are no longer two, therefore, but one body. So then, what God has united, man must not divide.’ Back in the house the disciples questioned him again about this, and he said to them, ‘The man who divorces his wife and marries another is guilty of adultery against her. And if a woman divorces her husband and marries another she is guilty of adultery too.’

TRUE FRIENDSHIP CAN ONLY BE FOUND IN A COMMON LOVE AND FIDELITY TO THE LORD

SCRIPTURE READINGS: [ SIRACH 6:5-17; MK 10:1-12]

Human beings are created for friendship and love.  This is the meaning of being created in the image and likeness of God.  Sharing in His knowledge and love, we are capable of relationship and dialogue.  Of course, the highest form of friendship and intimacy is marriage.  Friendship and marital relationships are the ways by which we experience the love of God concretely in our lives.  Hence, the justification of the need for friendship is found in the original design of creation, as Jesus, citing from the Old Testament said, “from the beginning of creation God made them male and female.  This is why a man must leave father and mother, and the two become one body. They are no longer two, therefore, but one body.  So then, what God has united, man must not divide.”

So, regardless of who we are, we all are in need of relationships.  But relationships and friendship are both a boon and a bane in life.  If we have true friendship, life will be such a joy and blessing.  In fact, life becomes worth living.  Rightly so, as Sirach pointed out, “a faithful friend is something beyond price, there is no measuring his worth. A faithful friend is the elixir of life.”  Indeed, if we can find one true friend in a thousand, we can count ourselves fortunate because “a faithful friend is a sure shelter, whoever finds one has found a rare treasure.”

However, it is not easy to find true friends.  Not only do our friends betray us, but even spouses are sometimes no longer faithful to each other. Such is the reality of relationships which Sirach so rightly sets out for us.  Yes, as Sirach reminds us, quite often, friends can become our enemies overnight; others are fair-weather friends; some take advantage of us, making use of us  when they are in need, but when we are in need, they are nowhere in sight.

Some time ago, a newspaper published a survey showing relationships, not school work, as being the major stress among our youth.  Many are overwhelmed by relationships that turn sour, especially those that end in betrayal, and they lose a friend.  So traumatic are failed relationships that some even commit suicide.  This is true also in working relationships.  The newspaper also did a survey among workers regarding those factors that contribute to the productivity and happiness of workers.  Surprisingly, it is not remuneration that is the most important factor in retaining a worker; rather, it is the challenge of the work and most of all, a cordial, happy and peaceful working environment.  What makes workers resign is primarily the conflicts they encounter with fellow workers and their bosses.  How, then, can we find true friendship in life?

Firstly, we must be realistic about life and relationships.  We cannot have too many friends, as it is impossible to have all the time in the world to cultivate friendships.  Relationships take time to build. For good reason, Sirach advises us thus, “Let your acquaintances be many, but your advisors one in a thousand.” So in reality, most of us have many acquaintances but only one or two soul-mates.

Secondly, Sirach said, “If you want to make a friend, take him on trial, and be in no hurry to trust him.”  Because it takes time to know someone, we should never be in a hurry to cultivate friendships.  In fact, those of us who are desperate to make friends will have to pay a great price because we will find out sooner or later that relationships forged in a hurry are often superficial and not genuine.  Time will show the fragility of such a relationship.  Why?  Because when we are in a haste to be intimate with our acquaintances, it shows that we lack authentic self-love.  Thus, in our insecurity and lack of self-love, we begin to manipulate others in a relationship.  In trusting too easily, we can also compromise beyond what is appropriate in a relationship, because we fear losing a friend. This will unsettle us and make the relationship lob-sided and overly dependent.  When there is a lack of love for self, we can expect too much from the other person to compensate for our loneliness and low self-esteem.

Thirdly, to find real friends, one must first be a friend to others. Sirach says, “Whoever fears the Lord makes true friends, and as a man is, so is his friend.”  The kind of person we are, will also attract the kind of people who want to have as friends.  As the idiom says, “Birds of a feather, flock together.”  So if we are looking for true friends, we must be sincere and true ourselves.  By being a loyal and true friend, the chances of someone reciprocating that friendship are much higher.  Unfortunately, it can also be true that sometimes people take us for a ride and are not sincere.  For such people, we should not react with anger but with compassion, for it shows that they are not capable of love.

Fourthly, a friendship can only be strong if it is built on a common love for the Lord and the gospel life. The lesson that many of us fail to learn is that quite often, our relationships are not founded on the Lord.  As a result, that relationship becomes like any pagan relationship, which is based on selfish interests.  Instead of helping each other to grow in grace, that relationship becomes carnal, selfish, isolated from the community of love and from God Himself.  It behooves us to be cautious about cultivating a friendship that is focused on each other and on mutual needs alone.  Such a friendship can be a mere mutual self-deception of worship of self in the other.  Sooner or later, such a friendship will become inward-looking and self-centered. A friendship that remains on the human level of pandering to each other’s interests will result in a friendship that is demanding, grasping, conditional, stifling and manipulative.  Such a relationship will come to an end in due time.

Thus, true friendship is possible only when both friends are focused on God.  Unless we have a common love for God and a reverential fear of Him, that friendship will not lead to real enrichment and personal growth.  When Jesus told the Pharisees that “it was because you were so unteachable that he wrote this commandment for you,” He was simply stating a fundamental fact that separation and divorce arise only because human relationships are founded on the human level and not on God.  So by tracing marriage and therefore all relationships to the order of creation, He is teaching us that since God gives all relationships and friendships to us, we must build our relationships in the light God’s plan, in His image and likeness.  True relationships can only develop when both partners have a deep reverence for the Lord and His commandments.  For only the Lord can teach us the true meaning of love and friendship.

Hence, to build true friendships, we must seek friends who are like us, wanting to grow in love and maturity in the Lord.  If a friend is not interested in joining us on the path to sanctification but instead brings us away from being faithful to the Lord and His mission, that person cannot be said to be our true friend.  If our friendship is only built on having meals, fun, pleasure, and entertainment together, that friendship is a pagan friendship.  Worse still, if our friend leads us to sin, to do what is wrong, selfish and self-centered, and influences us with all the wrong values; that friend is not a true friend.  This is because a true friend will seek the best for our sanctification, if he or she loves us.

In a nutshell, true friendship must help each other to grow in love, not only for each other but for others as well, and most of all, towards a greater commitment to the divine plan of God to build a family of love and unity.  True friendship in the final analysis, will empower each other to be more loving and inclusive in that love.  In this way, all true friendships, just like marriage, become truly the sacrament of God’s love and the means to grow in holiness, perfection and maturity in love.  Truly, if our relationships are built on our common love and reverence for the Lord, then such relationships will blossom because it empowers life and love for all parties in the relationship.

Written by The Most Rev William Goh Roman Catholic Archbishop of Singapore © All Rights Reserved