20181030
TRUE LEADERSHIP IS
MUTUAL DEFERENCE FOR EACH OTHER IN CHRIST
30 OCTOBER,
2018, Tuesday, 30th Week, Ordinary Time
Readings at Mass
Liturgical Colour:
Green.
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First reading
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Ephesians 5:21-33 ©
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Give way to one another in obedience to
Christ
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Give way to one another in obedience to
Christ. Wives should regard their husbands as they regard the Lord, since as
Christ is head of the Church and saves the whole body, so is a husband the head
of his wife; and as the Church submits to Christ, so should wives to their
husbands, in everything. Husbands should love their wives just as Christ loved
the Church and sacrificed himself for her to make her holy. He made her clean
by washing her in water with a form of words, so that when he took her to
himself she would be glorious, with no speck or wrinkle or anything like that,
but holy and faultless. In the same way, husbands must love their wives as they
love their own bodies; for a man to love his wife is for him to love himself. A
man never hates his own body, but he feeds it and looks after it; and that is
the way Christ treats the Church, because it is his body – and we are its
living parts. For this reason, a man must leave his father and mother
and be joined to his wife, and the two will become one body. This
mystery has many implications; but I am saying it applies to Christ and the
Church. To sum up; you too, each one of you, must love his wife as he loves
himself; and let every wife respect her husband.
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Responsorial Psalm
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Psalm 127(128):1-5 ©
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O blessed are those who
fear the Lord.
O blessed are those who fear the Lord
and walk in his ways!
By the labour of your hands you shall eat.
You will be happy and prosper.
O blessed are those who
fear the Lord.
Your wife will be like a fruitful vine
in the heart of your house;
your children like shoots of the olive,
around your table.
O blessed are those who
fear the Lord.
Indeed thus shall be blessed
the man who fears the Lord.
May the Lord bless you from Zion
all the days of your life!
O blessed are those who
fear the Lord.
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Gospel Acclamation
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Jn15:15
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Alleluia, alleluia!
I call you friends, says the Lord,
because I have made known to you
everything I have learnt from my Father.
Alleluia!
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Or:
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Mt11:25
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Alleluia, alleluia!
Blessed are you, Father,
Lord of heaven and earth,
for revealing the mysteries of the kingdom
to mere children.
Alleluia!
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Gospel
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Luke 13:18-21 ©
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The kingdom of God is like the yeast
that leavened three measures of flour
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Jesus said, ‘What is the kingdom of God
like? What shall I compare it with? It is like a mustard seed which a man took
and threw into his garden: it grew and became a tree, and the birds of the air
sheltered in its branches.’
Another
thing he said, ‘What shall I compare the kingdom of God with? It is like the
yeast a woman took and mixed in with three measures of flour till it was
leavened all through.’
TRUE LEADERSHIP IS MUTUAL DEFERENCE FOR
EACH OTHER IN CHRIST
SCRIPTURE READINGS: [ Ephesians 5:21 – 33; Ps 128:1-5; Luke 13:18 – 21 ]
The instruction by St
Paul that the husband is the head of his wife and that wives must submit to
their husbands will find objection from many women in today’s modern
world. Indeed,
the culture has changed radically because of education and the promotion of
human rights. This instruction has to be understood and interpreted
according to the culture of St Paul’s time.
Perhaps, the larger
issue of this dilemma is more on how leadership is exercised in marriage. It is true that when St Paul wrote
this letter, society was still based on a patriarchal culture where the sense
of hierarchy was very dominant. The man was the one who earned the
livelihood for the family, as he was physically stronger and much of the work
then needed more physical strength than intellectual brilliance. Women
were left at home to care of the family. Children were raised more to
supplement the income of the family and eventually to take over the trade or
profession of their parents. Necessarily, the culture in most places was
to give the leadership to the man. However, in these days, leadership was
no more a question of physical might, not even in war! Today, the
capacity to exercise leadership is measured in terms of both intellectual
quotient and emotional quotient. For this reason, women who are educated
today would be able to exercise leadership equally well, or even better than
men. Therefore, this idea of leadership in marriage needs to find a new
model.
But before we speak of a
new model of leadership in marriage, we need to define what is leadership in
marriage and family life. Firstly, it is a question of loving the other
person more than oneself. This
is a requirement for authentic leadership. To be a leader, we must be
selfless, always putting the interests of those whom we love and serve before
our own needs and preferences. A true leader never puts himself or
herself first but always last. In the context of marriage, therefore,
husbands are “to love their wives just as Christ loved the Church and
sacrificed himself for her to make her holy.” This was an important
reminder to the man because in those days, when men exercised leadership, they
had this mistaken understanding of using their subordinates and their wives to
serve their interests, whims and fancies. Women were not considered human
beings with the same dignity and as valued partners in the growth of
holiness. For this reason, St Paul reminded husbands to love their
wives and not dominate them for their pleasure and narrow self-interests.
Secondly, a leader is
one who helps those under him to be sanctified. St Paul wrote, “He made her clean
by washing her in water with a form of words, so that when he took her to
himself she would be glorious, with no speck or wrinkle or anything like that,
but holy and faultless.” So too, the task of a leader is to foster
holiness, which means living a life of virtue, goodness and charity. We
are to help those who are under our care to grow in holiness not simply by our
words but most of all by our example in dying to self because of our baptism in
Christ. Our task as spouse is to ensure that our spouse and
children grow in holiness, to become more like Christ so that they can share
the joy of the love of Christ.
Thirdly, loving those
under our charge ultimately is to love ourselves because we are
interdependent. “In
the same way, husbands must love their wives as they love their own bodies; for
a man to love his wife is for him to love himself. A man never hates his own
body, but he feeds it and looks after it; and that is the way Christ treats the
Church, because it is his body – and we are its living parts.”
Taking care of our spouse, children or subordinates is to love ourselves
because we are leaders! A leader is one who fosters unity and love.
If the people are divided, if our family is divided, there will be no peace,
joy and love wherever we are. This is even more true for marriage when St
Paul said, “For this reason, a man must leave his father and mother and be
joined to his wife, and the two will become one body.”
Finally, a leader must
love not just selflessly but to the extent that he would die for the good of
those whom he leads. A
leader exists not for himself but for the service of the common good. He
is the Good Shepherd who knows his sheep and is willing to lay down his life
for them. “The hired hand, who is not the shepherd and does not own the
sheep, sees the wolf coming and leaves the sheep and runs away – and the wolf
snatches them and scatters them. The hired hand runs away because a hired
hand does not care for the sheep.” (Jn 10:12f) So whatever he does,
regardless of the decision he makes, it must always be for the greater good of
those whom he serves. So too in the family, whoever is the head of the
household must give everything he has, even his life to his loved ones.
Within this context of Christian
leadership, which includes being the head of the family, we must therefore ask
whether such a leader would be seen as domineering and imposing on others. On the contrary, the leader, if he
is keen to help those whom he serves and please those whom he loves, would want
to know their needs, their difficulties and their challenges so that he could
be of some assistance. Today, leadership is no longer a top-down approach
but a collaborative approach because most of us are educated, and might does
not come from horses and size of soldiers but from technology and
knowledge. The former may have worked in a hierarchical world, but today
leadership speaks of empowering those under our charge. Leadership
involves dialogue, consultation, getting buy-in, taking note of the
circumstances and needs of our time and responding in such a way that is
helpful, empowering and enriching.
If we come across such a
leader, it would not be that difficult to render obedience, even if we are not utterly convinced
of what our leaders envisage. But we would be willing to give the benefit
of the doubt when all levels of dialogue have taken place. So too in a
marriage relationship, if the husband is able to convince the wife by his words
and actions that whatever he is doing is not for his own interests but for the
greater good of the family, then there should be no issue of wives submitting
to their husbands. On the other hand, if we are not that kind of husband,
but use our wife and children and subordinates to fulfill our desires, then we
have lost the personal authority to win over our loved ones.
In the final analysis,
it is not a question of who should be the leader but how leaders exercise their
authority. In truth, the key is to understand leadership in terms of
mutual obedience in love and service. If leadership is protective of the
interests of their loved ones and those whom they serve, people can more easily
submit to those in authority. It is dictatorial and abusive authority
that must be condemned, and such leaders must be prevented from exercising
their authority. True leaders however would always defer to those whom
they seek to serve. And those under authority would defer to those in
authority. For this reason, it is immaterial who is the head, whether the
man or the woman. St Paul concluded, “a man must leave his father and
mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will become one body.” If
we always act as one body in each other, for each other and with each other for
our greater good, then does it really matter who is the leader? Men
and women are created not to compete but complete each other.
The key to mutual
obedience and love in service is our common love and obedience to the Lord. “Give way to one another in
obedience to Christ.” Only when we love the Lord, could we then provide
the same selfless, faithful and sacrificial love that Christ gives to us.
St Paul urges us in the name of Christ to learn from Him how He loved His
Church, “This mystery has many implications; but I am saying it applies to
Christ and the Church.” Without a common love for the Lord, we will lack
the humility, generosity and selflessness to care for our loved ones, including
our spouse. When we are one in the Lord, everything we do, we do it
with graciousness.
So let us sow the seed
of the kingdom of God in our families, offices and society. Let us exercise our leadership in
such a way that is empowering for those who are weak, so that they will one day
become the mustard seed that grows to become a tree and “the birds of the air
sheltered in its branches.” Indeed, this is our hope and our dream for
the future generation. What we leaders do now, the examples we show,
would have great impact on the future of our children and society.
Leaders must not just be merely pragmatic to win popularity without counting
the cost of the decisions they make for the future generations. Any evil
or foolish decision we make because of popularity would be like the yeast in
the dough. Yeast can be used positively or negatively to build the
kingdom of God. So what kind of yeast are we mixing with the dough in our
families, between husbands and wives?
Written
by The Most Rev William Goh, Roman Catholic Archbishop of Singapore © All
Rights Reserved
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