20150331 DEALING WITH BETRAYAL
Readings at Mass
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First reading
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Isaiah 49:1-6 ©
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Islands, listen to
me,
pay attention,
remotest peoples.
The Lord called me
before I was born,
from my mother’s womb
he pronounced my name.
He made my mouth a
sharp sword,
and hid me in the
shadow of his hand.
He made me into a
sharpened arrow,
and concealed me in
his quiver.
He said to me, ‘You
are my servant (Israel)
in whom I shall be
glorified’;
while I was thinking,
‘I have toiled in vain,
I have exhausted
myself for nothing’;
and all the while my
cause was with the Lord,
my reward with my
God.
I was honoured in the
eyes of the Lord,
my God was my
strength.
And now the Lord has
spoken,
he who formed me in
the womb to be his servant,
to bring Jacob back
to him,
to gather Israel to
him:
‘It is not enough for
you to be my servant,
to restore the tribes
of Jacob and bring back the survivors of Israel;
I will make you the
light of the nations
so that my salvation
may reach to the ends of the earth.’
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Psalm
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Psalm
70:1-6,15,17 ©
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My lips will tell
of your help.
In you, O Lord, I
take refuge;
let me
never be put to shame.
In your justice
rescue me, free me:
pay heed
to me and save me.
My lips will tell
of your help.
Be a rock where I can
take refuge,
a mighty
stronghold to save me;
for you
are my rock, my stronghold.
Free me from the hand
of the wicked.
My lips will tell
of your help.
It is you, O Lord,
who are my hope,
my trust,
O Lord, since my youth.
On you I have leaned
from my birth,
from my
mother’s womb you have been my help.
My lips will tell
of your help.
My lips will tell of
your justice
and day
by day of your help.
O God, you have
taught me from my youth
and I
proclaim your wonders still.
My lips will tell
of your help.
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Gospel
Acclamation
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Glory and praise to
you, O Christ!
Hail to you, our
King!
Obedient to the
Father, you were led to your crucifixion
as a meek lamb is led
to the slaughter.
Glory and praise to
you, O Christ!
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Gospel
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John
13:21-33,36-38 ©
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While at supper with
his disciples, Jesus was troubled in spirit and declared, ‘I tell you most
solemnly, one of you will betray me.’ The disciples looked at one another,
wondering which he meant. The disciple Jesus loved was reclining next to Jesus;
Simon Peter signed to him and said, ‘Ask who it is he means’, so leaning back
on Jesus’ breast he said, ‘Who is it, Lord?’ ‘It is the one’ replied Jesus ‘to
whom I give the piece of bread that I shall dip in the dish.’ He dipped the
piece of bread and gave it to Judas son of Simon Iscariot. At that instant,
after Judas had taken the bread, Satan entered him. Jesus then said, ‘What you
are going to do, do quickly.’ None of the others at table understood the reason
he said this. Since Judas had charge of the common fund, some of them thought
Jesus was telling him, ‘Buy what we need for the festival’, or telling him to
give something to the poor. As soon as Judas had taken the piece of bread he
went out. Night had fallen.
When he
had gone Jesus said:
‘Now has the Son of
Man been glorified,
and in him God has
been glorified.
If God has been
glorified in him,
God will in turn
glorify him in himself,
and will glorify him
very soon.
‘My little children,
I shall not be with
you much longer.
You will look for me,
And, as I told the
Jews,
where I am going, you
cannot come.’
Simon
Peter said, ‘Lord, where are you going?’ Jesus replied, ‘Where I am going you
cannot follow me now; you will follow me later.’ Peter said to him, ‘Why can’t
I follow you now? I will lay down my life for you.’ ‘Lay down your life for
me?’ answered Jesus. ‘I tell you most solemnly, before the cock crows you will
have disowned me three times.’
DEALING
WITH BETRAYAL
SCRIPTURE
READINGS: ISAIAH 49:1–6; JOHN 13:21-38
One of the most painful
experiences in life is to be betrayed by those whom we love dearly and deeply. The deeper the trust and love,
the more pain we suffer. This is true in all relationships, whether of close
friends, among colleagues and particularly in marriage. Once betrayal is
discovered, it is extremely difficult to repair the relationship, for trust has
been broken. Without trust, no relationship can ever blossom, since no
communication is possible. The intimacy of love is dependent solely on
trust. A relationship cannot thrive as there is no fertile ground to
germinate the seed of love when one lives in constant suspicion of the other
party. That is why, although we know from experience that setbacks,
disappointments, frustrations in relationships happen in life, we must still
choose to trust again, otherwise we are doomed to loneliness.
Yet, the fact remains
that today’s relationships are so fragile. Many marriages are not
what they are supposed to be. Many couples not only do not share their bed, but
their lives as well. They are living in their own world, oblivious to the
needs and feelings of their partners. The temptations to betrayal are
many.
One could be due to
ambition. This,
perhaps, was the case of Judas. Scholars suggest that he betrayed Jesus
because being a Zealot, he wanted Jesus to act against the Roman conquerors and
restore Israel back to its former glory. His motive for handing Jesus
over to His enemies was to force Jesus into a defensive and then offensive
mode. So it could be because of ambition. In our case, very often,
it is ambition that causes relationships to become distant. Husbands and
wives have little time for each other to share their joys and woes. The
relationship tends to be merely functionary in nature; keeping the household
going and looking after the needs of their children and loved ones. Among
colleagues, we betray each other through gossiping, backbiting and even
slandering for the sake of promotion, recognition and acceptance. We put
the other person down so that we can be seen in a better light by others,
especially our superiors.
Another reason for
betrayal could be greed,
as suggested in the scriptures. Judas was in charge of the fund and it
could be because of greed that he sold out Jesus. Earlier on, he
complained about Mary being wasteful in anointing Jesus’ feet with expensive
ointment. Judas was greedy and stingy. One of the capital sins,
greed causes even close friends and relatives to betray each other. For
the love of money, we are willing to compromise and cheat on our friends and
loved ones. We borrow money and never return. Some even resort to
stealing. Greed is often the cause of people taking bribes and committing
criminal breach of trust. This innate desire to have more and more causes
us to betray the trust given to us.
But more often than not, betrayal
is due to fear. This was the case for Peter and the apostles.
They feared for their lives and hence they ran away, even though they had
earlier professed that they would even die for their master. But when it
came to the crunch, they all abandoned Him. They were just being human!
So, too, in our present day relationships. In good times, we make
all kinds of promises to our spouse and loved ones. But when the crunch
comes, when our loved ones are not so lovable because of illness, problems at
work or at home, etc, we are not so understanding, supportive or caring.
At the end of the day, most of us care more for ourselves than others.
Our needs and security come before others. It is rare for people to put
their lives and happiness before others. When we are healthy and
self-sufficient, it is easy to talk about service and care for others.
But when we are suffering and in pain, it is difficult to still think of
others. So often, betrayal in relationships happen because the other party is
neglected. Most of the time, adultery happens because spouses take each other
for granted. They fail to be sensitive to the needs of their partner. When a
marriage is reduced to a superficial relationship, then it is at risk because
everyone needs emotional support, intimacy, love and understanding. When
a relationship fails, it is easy to point the finger at the other party, but in
truth, if we have loved our spouse enough, why would he or she turn to someone
else?
So how should we react
in the face of betrayal?
Our immediate reaction is often dismay, which turns to disbelief, anger,
resentment and sometimes revenge. But such reactive emotions will only
destroy us. When we are unforgiving and harbour hatred and revenge, we
will sink further into depression and anger. By not forgiving and letting
go, we allow anger to eat us up. Sure, we can feel sad and disappointed
like the Suffering Servant and Jesus Himself. The Suffering Servant, with
deep regret said, “…while I was thinking, I have toiled in vain, I have
exhausted myself for nothing.” Indeed, this is our normal human response
when we feel cheated, because all our efforts and sacrifices seem to have gone
to the wind. Jesus too, was deeply troubled in spirit. He must have
felt discouraged that in spite of His love for Judas and His disciples, they
would betray Him, particularly when He saw through the disciples; that behind
all their professions of love and loyalty, their words were mere
rhetoric. He knew them too well; that they were cowards and could not be
trusted.
How could Jesus remain
so calm in the face of betrayal? It was because He knew that God was in control. He
knew that everything was in the hands of His Father and no human sin can wreck
the divine plan of God. Identifying Himself with the Suffering Servant,
He knew that God will vindicate Him eventually. The prophet said, “You
are my servant (Israel) in whom I shall be glorified’; while I was thinking, ‘I
have toiled in vain, I have exhausted myself for nothing’; and all the while my
cause was with the Lord, my reward with my God. I was honoured in the eyes of
the Lord, my God was my strength.” Indeed, in such moments, we must
continue to trust in the Lord.
Like the Suffering
Servant, we must not feel that all is lost. We must look beyond the rain to see the
rainbow. We must transcend the pain and look at the joy ahead. We
must see beyond the hurts inflicted on us and look at the pain from the
perspective of the traitor. If we look at them with love and compassion,
we will be able to see that they are as hurt as we are, insecure, lonely and
frightened, seeking for love and attention and finding their security. So
before we condemn them and write them off, remember that their betrayal of our
love only serves to highlight that we are not reaching out to them sufficiently
to assure them of our love and to heal them of their brokenness. Truly,
we must not see that all is lost. Perhaps, such failures in love should
only challenge us not to take our loved ones for granted but give us greater
will to work out and improve the relationship. If we continue to work on
the relationship, we can still salvage what has been lost. When we
remember the good times and the beautiful memories we have had, that will give
us hope again.
Secondly, in the face of
betrayal, Jesus remained conscious of His mission. He knew that He
was sent by the Father. He remembered the words of the Suffering Servant,
“And now the Lord has spoken, he who formed me in the womb to be his servant,
to bring Jacob back to him, to gather Israel to him: ‘It is not enough for you
to be my servant, to restore the tribes of Jacob and bring back the survivors
of Israel; I will make you the light of the nations so that my salvation may
reach to the ends of the earth’.” What about us? Have we forgotten
our mission and our promises to each other when we committed ourselves to our
spouse or to our friends? We have a mission to help each other to grow in
love and be healed in our brokenness and loneliness. Have we forgotten
all the aspirations we then shared, of how we want to spend our lives together,
making each other our soul-mate, sharing the joys and sorrows of life for our
good and those entrusted to us, especially our children, loved ones or those
under our care? Remembering our mission will help us to keep focused when
the going gets tough. So long as we keep our focus on our vocation in
life, no matter how difficult it is, no matter how many times we have failed to
be faithful to our vocation and our partner, we can pick ourselves up like
Peter and continue to live out our calling. We must not be like Judas who
forgot about his vocation and calling in the face of failure. Let us
remember once again, “The Lord called me before I was born, from my mother’s
womb he pronounced my name.”
Finally, in dealing with
betrayal, let us look at Jesus, or rather, allow Jesus to look at us. As we approach the passion, we
are called to look and contemplate on Jesus. When Jesus looked at Peter
at the third crow of the cock, Peter wept and repented. Let us look
directly into the eyes of our Lord too, as Isaiah says, “The crowds were
appalled on seeing him – so disfigured did he look that he seemed no longer
human – so will the crowds be astonished at him …”(Isa 52:14) Likewise,
when we look at our traitors after having looked at the Lord whom we have betrayed,
we too can forgive them because like them, we have hurt the Lord and deeply
grieved His heart a thousand times more. And for those of us who have
betrayed our loved ones, let us come before the Lord and let Him look at us
with sorrow and compassion; and let us contemplate on the beautiful icon of our
Lady of Perpetual Succour looking at us with sorrowful eyes, urging us to
repent and return to our loved ones and to Him. Only the sorrowful eyes
of God and our loved ones whom we have betrayed can convict us to the quick and
make us repent of our lack of fidelity.
WRITTEN BY THE MOST REV
WILLIAM GOH
ARCHBISHOP
OF SINGAPORE
© ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
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