20160206 THE WISDOM OF INTER-FAITH MARRIAGES
Readings at Mass
Liturgical
Colour: Red.
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First reading
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1 Kings 3:4-13 ©
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King Solomon went to
Gibeon to sacrifice there, since that was the greatest of the high
places – Solomon offered a thousand holocausts on that altar. At Gibeon
the Lord appeared in a dream to Solomon during the night. God said, ‘Ask what
you would like me to give you.’ Solomon replied, ‘You showed great kindness to
your servant David, my father, when he lived his life before you in
faithfulness and justice and integrity of heart; you have continued this great
kindness to him by allowing a son of his to sit on his throne today. Now, O
Lord my God, you have made your servant king in succession to David my father.
But I am a very young man, unskilled in leadership. Your servant finds himself
in the midst of this people of yours that you have chosen, a people so many its
number cannot be counted or reckoned. Give your servant a heart to understand
how to discern between good and evil, for who could govern this people of yours
that is so great?’ It pleased the Lord that Solomon should have asked for this.
‘Since you have asked for this’ the Lord said ‘and not asked for long life for
yourself or riches or the lives of your enemies, but have asked for a
discerning judgement for yourself, here and now I do what you ask. I give you a
heart wise and shrewd as none before you has had and none will have after you.
What you have not asked I shall give you too: such riches and glory as no other
king ever had.’
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Psalm
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Psalm 118:9-14 ©
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Lord, teach me
your statutes.
How shall the young
remain sinless?
By
obeying your word.
I have sought you
with all my heart;
let me
not stray from your commands.
Lord, teach me
your statutes.
I treasure your
promise in my heart
lest I
sin against you.
Blessed are you, O
Lord;
teach me
your statutes.
Lord, teach me
your statutes.
With my tongue I have
recounted
the
decrees of your lips.
I rejoiced to do your
will
as though
all riches were mine.
Lord, teach me
your statutes.
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Gospel
Acclamation
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Jn10:27
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Alleluia, alleluia!
The sheep that belong
to me listen to my voice,
says the Lord,
I know them and they
follow me.
Alleluia!
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Gospel
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Mark 6:30-34 ©
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The apostles rejoined
Jesus and told him all they had done and taught. Then he said to them, ‘You
must come away to some lonely place all by yourselves and rest for a while’;
for there were so many coming and going that the apostles had no time even to
eat. So they went off in a boat to a lonely place where they could be by
themselves. But people saw them going, and many could guess where; and from
every town they all hurried to the place on foot and reached it before them. So
as he stepped ashore he saw a large crowd; and he took pity on them because
they were like sheep without a shepherd, and he set himself to teach them at
some length.
THE
WISDOM OF INTER-FAITH MARRIAGES
SCRIPTURE
READINGS: 1Kgs 3:4-13;
Mk 6:30-34
We are
living in the age of globalization. One of the phenomena of globalization
is the increasing contact between peoples of different faiths and
cultures. With closer and more intimate contact because of migration and
mass communication, there is also an increasing number of inter-cultural
marriages and even inter-faith marriages. Of course, inter-faith
marriages and inter-cultural marriages are not new. Already during the
time of King Solomon, there were inter-faith and inter-cultural marriages. Yet,
we know that the cause of Solomon’s downfall was the fact that he brought many
foreign wives into his kingdom; and as a consequence, the faith was weakened
and adulterated, resulting in the gradual loss of values, bringing about
disunity within the country. It would be wise of us therefore to reflect on the
wisdom of inter-faith marriages.
Positively,
inter-faith and inter-cultural marriages can foster unity through mutual
appreciation of each other’s religious beliefs and cultures. Indeed, in the ancient world,
alliances between countries were forged through marriage. Marriage
diplomacy was used to resolve quarrels and the lack of trust between peoples of
two nations. So too, on the personal level, inter-faith and inter-cultural
marriages can also lead to a deep appreciation of each other’s religion,
practices and cultures. When viewed positively, knowing the other
person’s faith can challenge and purify one’s own faith as well, enriching our
faith and cultural traditions. It helps to widen one’s view of life, to
see beyond our narrow confines and even to adopt what is true and good for our
own faith and culture.
So,
in principle, inter-faith and inter-cultural marriages are not necessarily
negative. But in practice, the challenges are many, and often insurmountable.
What are these
challenges?
Firstly,
inter-faith marriages impact on one’s culture. Faith is not born from a
vacuum. All religions, even if they profess to be transcendent, are
historical. The founders of each religion came from a particular culture
and people. For this reason, in importing the faith of a particular
religion, there is always the concomitant acceptance of the culture of that
religion. This explains why the Christian Faith, although hailing from Middle
East, is seen as a Western faith because it is clothed in western culture,
particularly European culture. Islam is very much influenced by Arabic
culture. Hinduism comes with Indian culture. This can be
quite a challenge in itself as, for some, it means having to give up some
aspects of their cultural practices.
Secondly,
faith is not just cultural but it is expressed through culture. Christian faith tends to express
itself through the symbols of the western world. We are then faced with
the difficulty and challenge of distinguishing what is faith and what is
culture. Whilst faith must be one in truth and love, how we express this
faith can be done according to one’s culture. This is where the question
of legitimate and illegitimate importation of culture into the faith comes
in. Legitimate inculturation is when we inject Christian faith, doctrines
and values into existing cultural practices, signs and symbols, giving them a
Christian meaning. Quite often, it means changing the meaning
altogether. Illegitimate inculturation is when we inject non-Christian
doctrines, values and meaning into the Christian faith. In other words,
we import not just the cultural symbols and signs but also non-Christian
beliefs and values as well, at times, contrary to our faith.
The
third challenge that inter-faith couples will face is the purity of the
faith. Can one remain true to his or her beliefs and not compromise his
or her allegiance? In
theory, it is possible but in practice, over time, the pristine faith that is
passed on to us would be blurred and confused. Quite often, instead of
appreciating each other’s faith, we end up evolving a hybrid religion which is
basically syncretism, taking some doctrines and practices and values of the
other religion. This results in adulteration of the faith. What is
worshipped and believed is eventually confused. As a consequence, the
person’s faith is eventually weakened and in most cases, it is lost.
The
fourth challenge of inter-faith couples is the difficulty of having common and
shared values.
It is extremely difficult for marriages to remain united in love and be strong
when couples do not have shared values, especially moral and ethical
values. As it is, even couples of the same faith often disagree on the
way moral values and principles are to be applied concretely in each situation
e.g. raising and disciplining of children. Because moral and ethical
values have their foundation in doctrinal beliefs, e.g. the unity and
indissolubility of marriage as in the bible, then disagreement in doctrines
would also impact on how we view morality. Understandably, those without
Christian foundation could accept divorce, abortion, same-sex union, and even
euthanasia. To build a family without strong moral foundation and common
values would be very difficult as differences of views would lead to quarrels,
misunderstandings, lack of trust resulting in each going his or her way.
The
fifth challenge is the confusion created among the children. When parents are of different
faiths, children will be torn as to whose church or temple or mosque they
should attend. It would also be very heartbreaking to know that one of
the parents is not around when they go for worship together. Faith, we
know, is more than logic and understanding. Faith is more than doctrines
but a personal encounter with God. So without this personal encounter
with God, because of the dichotomy between faith and life in their family, such
a situation will lead to apathy. Worse still if parents were to argue and
fight over their beliefs with each other, the children will be totally
bewildered because at that age, they would not be able to understand both
intellectually or on the level of personal faith. This would bring
division to the family.
In
the light of these challenges, the Church’s preference is for couples to share
a common faith in Christ.
Otherwise, preserving the unity of the family in love and truth would be very
daunting. Much less still is whether one can be truly faithful to his or
her faith without impacting the other or causing an obstacle in the
relationship. Understandably, in some religions, believers may not marry
a person of another faith unless that person is converted. In the
Catholic Church, we act in a pastoral manner because we also are aware that
compelling a person to convert to the faith for the sake of marriage might not
work anyway. He or she will simply be a nominal Catholic and it will
cause the spouse and the children to experience the feeling of a baptized pagan
living with them, which is not much different from an inter-faith
marriage. Thus, the Church provides a way out for couples who
really want to marry a person of another faith through a special dispensation
which we call “convalidation.”
In
the final analysis, couples must decide who and what is most important to them
in their lives.
If it is God and their faith, then they would place God above all things.
As the Book of Deuteronomy reminds us, “Hear, O Israel: The Lord our
God is one Lord; and you shall love the Lord your God with all
your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your might.” (Dt 6:4f) The
question the gospel is confronting us is, whether we truly believe that Jesus
is our Good Shepherd, the Way, the Truth and the Life. If we truly have
faith in Him and search for Him as the people did, then we will choose Him
above everything and everyone else. But if our love for Christ is weak,
then we choose personal relationship with our loved ones over Him.
The reality is that it is very difficult to have Christ and yet compromise your
faith beliefs and values.
In
this sense, the irony of King Solomon is that whilst he had the wisdom as God
had given him to govern his people, he did not have the wisdom to manage his
household. There
is always this disconnect between professional life and personal life.
Many professionals are doing a great job in their corporate life, but their
personal life is often in a mess. And when our personal life is in
disorder, our professional and public life will ultimately suffer in the long
run.
It
would therefore be wise of us to learn from King Solomon that having wisdom and
all the other gifts of God is not enough to see us happy in life. We need the
Wisdom of God to be applied to our personal life. Like the apostles who were tired
out after a long journey proclaiming the Good News in words and deeds, we too
must listen to Jesus “to come away to some lonely place all by yourselves and
rest for a while.” We need to think through what are those things
that really matter in life. As Jesus tells us in the gospel, work for
food that endures to eternal life. (cf Jn 6:27) We must ask
ourselves, is faith the most important thing in life to ensure that our family
is united in love and truth, and that our children are brought up as
God-fearing people who live lives of integrity, love and generosity? But
before we can ask all these, we need to be connected with God in prayer,
meditation, contemplation and intimacy. Unless we feel His love for us,
we cannot love Him and put Him first in our lives, nor will we entrust our
lives and happiness to Him.
Written by The Most Rev William Goh Roman Catholic Archbishop of Singapore
© All Rights Reserved
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