20160904 THE PARADOX OF FINDING IN LOSING OURSELVES
Readings at Mass
Liturgical
Colour: Green.
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First reading
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Wisdom 9:13-18 ©
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What man indeed can
know the intentions of God?
Who can divine the
will of the Lord?
The reasonings of
mortals are unsure
and our intentions
unstable;
for a perishable body
presses down the soul,
and this tent of clay
weighs down the teeming mind.
It is hard enough for
us to work out what is on earth,
laborious to know
what lies within our reach;
who, then, can
discover what is in the heavens?
As for your
intention, who could have learnt it, had you not granted Wisdom
and sent your holy
spirit from above?
Thus have the paths
of those on earth been straightened
and men been taught
what pleases you,
and saved, by Wisdom.
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Responsorial
Psalm
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Psalm
89:3-6,12-14,17 ©
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O Lord, you have
been our refuge from one generation to the next.
You turn men back to
dust
and say:
‘Go back, sons of men.’
To your eyes a
thousand years
are like
yesterday, come and gone,
no more
than a watch in the night.
O Lord, you have
been our refuge from one generation to the next.
You sweep men away
like a dream,
like the
grass which springs up in the morning.
In the morning it
springs up and flowers:
by
evening it withers and fades.
O Lord, you have
been our refuge from one generation to the next.
Make us know the
shortness of our life
that we
may gain wisdom of heart.
Lord, relent! Is your
anger for ever?
Show pity
to your servants.
O Lord, you have
been our refuge from one generation to the next.
In the morning, fill
us with your love;
we shall
exult and rejoice all our days.
Let the favour of the
Lord be upon us:
give
success to the work of our hands.
O Lord, you have
been our refuge from one generation to the next.
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Second reading
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Philemon 1:9-10,12-17
©
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This is Paul writing,
an old man now and, what is more, still a prisoner of Christ Jesus. I am
appealing to you for a child of mine, whose father I became while wearing these
chains: I mean Onesimus. I am sending him back to you, and with him – I
could say – a part of my own self. I should have liked to keep him with
me; he could have been a substitute for you, to help me while I am in the
chains that the Good News has brought me. However, I did not want to do
anything without your consent; it would have been forcing your act of kindness,
which should be spontaneous. I know you have been deprived of Onesimus for a
time, but it was only so that you could have him back for ever, not as a slave
any more, but something much better than a slave, a dear brother; especially
dear to me, but how much more to you, as a blood-brother as well as a brother
in the Lord. So if all that we have in common means anything to you, welcome
him as you would me.
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Gospel
Acclamation
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Jn15:15
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Alleluia, alleluia!
I call you friends,
says the Lord,
because I have made
known to you
everything I have
learnt from my Father.
Alleluia!
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Or
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Ps118:135
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Alleluia, alleluia!
Let your face shine
on your servant;
and teach me your
decrees.
Alleluia!
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Gospel
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Luke 14:25-33 ©
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Great crowds
accompanied Jesus on his way and he turned and spoke to them. ‘If any man comes
to me without hating his father, mother, wife, children, brothers, sisters, yes
and his own life too, he cannot be my disciple. Anyone who does not carry his
cross and come after me cannot be my disciple.
‘And
indeed, which of you here, intending to build a tower, would not first sit down
and work out the cost to see if he had enough to complete it? Otherwise, if he
laid the foundation and then found himself unable to finish the work, the
onlookers would all start making fun of him and saying, “Here is a man who
started to build and was unable to finish.” Or again, what king marching to war
against another king would not first sit down and consider whether with ten
thousand men he could stand up to the other who advanced against him with
twenty thousand? If not, then while the other king was still a long way off, he
would send envoys to sue for peace. So in the same way, none of you can be my
disciple unless he gives up all his possessions.’
THE
PARADOX OF FINDING IN LOSING OURSELVES
SCRIPTURE
READINGS: [ WIS
9:13-18; PHIL 9-17; LK 14:25-33 ]
The
gospel reading today seems rather harsh and impossible to accept. For
according to Jesus, discipleship requires that we give up everything and
everyone for Him. Indeed, Jesus told the crowd who wanted to follow Him
that if we want to be His disciples, we must first hate our father, mother,
wife, children and brothers; in other words, all the people that we love dearly
and most. But that is not all; we are also to hate ourselves as
well. As if that is not all, Christ demands that we give up all our possessions.
At face value, such exacting conditions for following Christ would seem not
only impossible to fulfill but also ludicrous as well.
Before
we write off the words of Jesus as utter nonsense, we need to reconsider them
carefully. We begin by considering the first condition of Jesus; which is
to hate all our loved ones. Now why did Jesus ask us to hate our loved
ones? As we all know, between hate and love, there is only a thin
line. Those we hate are really those we love; and those we love would
turn out to be those whom we hate. What is worse than hate is actually
indifference. When we are indifferent to someone, that someone does not
even exist in our sight and on our mind. But when we love someone or hate
someone, that person is constantly on our mind. Thus, if Jesus asks us to
hate our loved ones, it is not so much to keep them away from our minds, but to
be totally detached from them, though not to the extent of being
indifferent. To hate is simply a way of Jesus asking us to love in a detached
manner. A better word would be compassion. In other words, we are
called to love without attachment. Hence the word ‘hate’ is used in
relation to love.
Within
this context the picture is now clearer. The truth is that if we love our
loved ones in a slavish manner, then we make ourselves slaves to our loved
ones. As if that is not enough, we will also try to make them slaves of
us. That is why lovers and spouse quite often try to manipulate each
other. When they are insecure in themselves, they will play the guilt
game so that their partners will feel responsible towards them. How often
do we hear couples controlling each other’s life to the extent that life
becomes stifling and crippling, so much so that love becomes impossible, since
love is only possible in freedom? In forcing someone to love us, we
immediately lose that love. This is the paradox of love.
Isn’t it true that those who are stifled in relationships feel extremely
relieved when that relationship has ended?
When we love people without
enslaving them, we make it possible for them to love us. Because they are
free to go and free to stay, they would not feel pressurized into loving
us. Without any obligations to love, we can be certain that their love
for us would be free, unconditional and genuine. Only such kind of love
can truly be liberating both for the lover and the loved. Thus when Jesus
asked us to hate our loved ones, He was simply asking us to love them in such a
manner so that such love, especially among family members and friends, would be
real, strong, lasting, joyful and liberating. When we are not loved
unconditionally or freely, there is no way of finding happiness in life.
This is the way God loves us and this must be the way we love others as well.
So in order to love, we must hate. This is the fact of life. We
must love in a detached manner. So this is the first condition of
following Jesus.
The second condition laid
down by Jesus was that we must hate ourselves. Again on the surface, such
a demand is simply intolerable. How can we be happy if we hate ourselves?
The
truth is that when we love ourselves, we actually hate ourselves. People
who are too concerned about themselves will end up hurting themselves.
Ego-centered and self-centered people cannot be happy. Happiness must be
shared if it is to be genuine. The consequence of selfishness is that we
would be left alone by ourselves. People would avoid, hate or make use of
us. They would see us as their competitors. We will also feel miserable
within ourselves. Due to our obsession with oneself, we become paranoid,
fearful, insecure and anxious. We begin to imagine that everyone is
against us and a threat to our happiness. This will lead to further
scheming and manipulation. Eventually, we will make even more enemies.
However,
when we stop loving ourselves, that is, when we are not too concerned about our
needs and instead focus on others, we begin to love ourselves. In
forgetting about ourselves, we have no self to worry about. When there is
no ego, no self, then there are no problems, since worries and problems do not
exist in the abstract but are attached to our ego. Consequently, in
loving others, we begin to find the real meaning of life. We experience
true love, which is loving and being loved in return. So in forgetting
ourselves, we actually find ourselves in others. Yes, this is the paradox
of life.
That is
why we must always remember that to find oneself is to lose oneself. God
never gives to us but through us. We cannot love ourselves
directly. We can only love ourselves indirectly. We can love
ourselves only through loving others and being of service to others. But
when we try to love ourselves directly, we become our own prisoners and we lose
all joy and happiness in life. Narcissism will lead to self-destruction
because the worship of self is the worship of false gods, of nothingness.
Hence, we can now see the truth of Jesus’ teaching: to hate self is to love
self authentically.
Lastly,
we examine the third condition of Jesus, which is the giving up of all our
possessions. What is the reality behind our possessions? Isn’t it
true that the more we cling to our possessions, the more we are possessed by
them? Instead of being master over things we allow things to usurp our place.
Yes, we become slaves of our possessions the moment we cannot let them go; when
they exercise control over our happiness. Take drug addicts for
example. They cannot live without drugs. Deprived of drugs, they
become restless, edgy and even violent. All of us are addicted to our
possessions in some ways. Some of us cannot be happy without a car; some
cannot be happy without wearing jewelry and expensive clothes; some cannot live
without smoking or drinking. So isn’t it true that our possessions are
masters of our lives?
Hence,
we must ask ourselves seriously this question: is it better to have more
possessions and lose our happiness and peace, our family, our health and our
life, or is it wiser to have less so that we can have more? When we learn
to let go the non-essentials in life, we will be happier because we come to
possess what is really vital for life and happiness. In giving up our
useless and fathomless pursuit of wealth, glory and power, we find ourselves
living a more simple life – but a life that is more profound because it is
lived intensely and meaningfully.
In the
final analysis, happiness is not dependent on how much we have but how we
are. Happiness is not to be measured in material terms but in personal
terms. The determinant of happiness is whether we are personally enriched
rather than materially enriched. A rich life cannot be exchanged for a
life of riches. Many people who live simply, live a rich life – rich in
love, peace, joy, health and freedom. Those who are slaves to wealth and
power and glory will find it impossible to be happy in life because they will
always live in fear, anxiety, competition, envy, bitterness and restlessness.
Today,
Jesus invites us to consider carefully whether we want to live, or simply to exist.
If we really want to live fully, then we must die. But perhaps, we still
have not been able to grasp fully what the gospel is speaking about. If
that is the case, we must take time off for prayer to be more in touch with
divine wisdom. Unless we see life in its deepest depth and reality
through the eyes of God and the mind of Jesus, we will always be shortsighted
in life. The outcome of our lack of foresight is that we will eventually
destroy ourselves. Prayer is the key to divine wisdom and divine
life. In coming to know the real meaning and essentials of life, we will
experience tremendous joy and freedom, a joy and freedom as Jesus tells us in
John’s gospel, the world cannot give. Let us pray for this grace to be
free from our undue possessiveness either of our loved ones, ourselves or of
our possessions. Yes, instead of being a prisoner of all these, let us,
like Paul, become a prisoner of Christ Jesus. Paradoxically, in being Christ’s
prisoner, we attain the ultimate true freedom and joy. Like him, we
transcend the world and ourselves.
Written
by The Most Rev William Goh Roman Catholic Archbishop of Singapore © All Rights
Reserved
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